I have had two abortions and until two weeks ago I felt more emotional about my first abortion.

I have had two abortions and until two weeks ago I felt more emotional about my first abortion. I felt my second was right at the time as I was starting university and knowing what the father was like I assumed he wanted the same and we never properly spoke about it. I inform him of all the appointments for the termination but he failed to show so in the end I went it alone. However, he has recently contacted me telling me how we needed to sort things out, but in my head there was nothing to sort out. I decided to listen and he told me he never wanted me to have the abortion. At first I didn't think too much of it but then it slowly got to me. I thought that if he had spoken up sooner things would probably be a lot different, but for some stupid reason I can't help wishing things had been different, and he had told me especially as now he's started telling me he wants a baby with me. I feel so confused because I want that too, stupidly, but I know its not the right thing to do for me, or him, or the baby but it's caught up in my head and I can't shift it and I'm worried I will make a mistake... Editor's Comment:- There is often a lot of pressure to make a decision about abortion quickly, and very easy to stop communicating because it is a difficult emotional time. It is so important to take time to talk through your feelings and find out what you are really feeling about such a big decision. I would encourage you not to rush into another pregnancy but take time to talk through how you both feel and what went wrong before. If you need help to do this there are advisors on the helpline or at local centres who can support you both.
This story was sent in on 03/01/2010

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