The man who had got me pregnant was very abusive

In August 2006 I found myself unexpectedly pregnant. It was my worst nightmare come true. The man who had got me pregnant was very abusive and had several other children with different women that he wasn't allowed to see. I was fearful of what sort of life my child would have. I panicked and had an abortion. Years earlier I remember having a conversation with a friend of mine and she asked me what I would do if I ever found myself pregnant unexpectedly. My reply was "Under no circumstances would I ever have an abortion!" It just goes to show that anyone is capable of doing things they wouldn't normally do when they are desperate. My initial feeling after the abortion was relief. I thought the problem had been dealt with and I could get back to living my life. Unfortunately this didn't last long. After a while I started to regret what I had done and was overcome with guilt and grief. I got in touch with Dorchester Pregnancy Crisis Centre and started counselling. Facing up to the reality of what I had done and how I was now feeling was too painful I went into denial and kidded myself that I was okay. I backed away and broke contact. When they got in touch with me again a few months later and said they were starting a course called 'The Journey' with a group of other women I decided to give it another go as it was always in the back of mind and kept coming forward robbing me of any peace. This may sound strange but doing the course, despite being very painful at times, was also very enjoyable. I really looked forward to going every week. It was incredibly healing sharing with other women who had been through the same thing. It was a relief to know that I wasn't alone and that others understood exactly what I was going through. We shared a lot of tears and laughter together over the weeks and formed some very special bonds. The friendships I've made I know will last a lifetime. They're such lovely beautiful women. I feel blessed to have them in my life. One thing the course encouraged us to do was to name our babies. I decided to call my baby Grace Rose. Before I would try not to think of Grace because it was too painful. Now I think of her everyday in a happy way and I look forward to seeing her one day in heaven. Editor's Comment:- Thank you for sharing your story. I am so glad that you found help in the end and the group you joined sounded really helpful and healing. Many women choose abortion because of very difficult circumstances, but when it goes against their core beliefs it can be very painful to come to terms with betraying those beliefs. Facing this pain and finding forgiveness and peace has enabled you to move on from this very painful experience.
This story was sent in on 03/01/2010

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