Ten days ago I had a medical termination at 8 and a half weeks pregnant.

Ten days ago I had a medical termination at 8 and a half weeks pregnant.I found out I was pregnant the day my period was due. I had taken the morning after pill after the condom burst, and was told by my doctor to take a pregnancy test to ensure the pill had worked. I was devastated and in shock when I saw the test was positive. I didn't understand how it could have happened when it was so unlikely. I already have a child who is 3 years old. This, plus the fact I am only 21 years old and about to start university, made me decide that I couldn't cope with having another baby. I also suffered very badly from post-natal depression, along with other mental health problems in the past. After a lot of thought, I went along to the hospital to have a scan and arrange the termination. I was told at the scan that I was over 7 weeks, which was one week later than I thought. This scared me a lot. My termination was booked for the following week and ending my pregnancy at this time made me feel horrible. The more pregnant I got, the harder the decision got. But I still knew it was the right decision. Taking the pill at the first appointment was very difficult. It took me a while to be able to take it, and although I felt fine for the rest of the day, emotionally I was not good. The following day I went in for the rest of the treatment. It took just under 4 hours for the bleeding to start, and even then it was only light bleeding. I remember feeling some kind of hope that maybe the treatment hadn't worked, and my baby was holding on tight. A nurse came round and told me that nothing was happening and I should probably go home. At the time I was shocked and scared to go home, but I had my partner by my side. As soon as we left the ward, the pain kicked in. Walking to the car outside became almost unbearable; I was in so much pain. I realised very soon after that I was bleeding very heavily. We stopped off at a café and I ran to the toilet. I felt something falling out of me and realised it was my baby. Seeing it made me break down. I continued to pass very large blood clots for the rest of the day, which was very uncomfortable. Now, I still can't get over what I saw. I'm furious at the hospital for sending me home without telling me what to expect or what I could have seen. I'm not writing this story to put anybody off having an abortion, because I still feel it was the right choice. But personally, if I could go back in time, I would never do it again, and I worry that I pushed myself into the decision. I wish I were stronger emotionally and maybe I wouldn't feel so much guilt and regret. At this moment in time, I'm not coping well with the abortion at all. I miss my baby a lot and I can't be around babies without crying. I'm having terrible mood swings and keep pushing people away from me, though I'm terrified of being alone right now. All I can do is hope and pray that someday, I'll be able to forgive myself. Editor's Comment:- Medical termination of pregnancy is a difficult thing to go through and you are very aware of what is happening to you. I think you should have had counselling to think through your decision and to explain exactly what happens in a medical and surgical termination. The procedures do also vary from area to area as some women wait 2 days for the second stage, while others have it later on the same day. I am sad that you did not have the time and support that you needed to really explore your decision with someone independent. If you would like to speak to a trained advisor and get some help and support please phone the national helpline 0300 4000 999. I am sure there is a way for you to work through the grief and loss you are feeling.

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