I found out I was pregnant on the 29th June 2009.By anonymous on 27/01/2010
I found out I was pregnant on the 29th June 2009. I am 17 and I am in a steady relationship with my boyfriend who's 24. I was scared and confused because I never thought it would be me ending up in this situation. I wanted my baby, I knew it would be hard but nevertheless wanted to do the right thing. However, after the first 3 days of promises and support my partner told me he didn't want the baby. My hospital mixed up my scan dates and the only decision left was to have a surgical termination at 12 weeks, or keep my baby. I went with my head and believed the people around me, that I would be okay after and it was for the best to terminate, not the choice in my heart to protect my baby. The 13th of August came around and the hospital had run out of beds in the clinic, so I was left on a children's ward, regardless of the nature of the surgery. Since that day I have struggled everyday to come to terms with the choice I felt was not even mine.I struggle to sleep, carry on as normal, and try to avoid all aspects of the topic.I know it seems irrational, I just don't know what to do or how to cope. My heart breaks even more everyday that passes. Maybe it was for the best for some, but I can't even convince myself anymore. I just wish I had had the strength to do this for me, not to please everybody around me.
It takes a lot of strength and courage to stand up for what you want when you are in your teens. I think you assume that 'adults' will know what is right for you. As you say it seemed like the right thing to do rationally, but your heart and instincts felt differently, and that is where the pain is coming from now. It seems as though you felt powerless in this situation to make the choice you really wanted, and betrayed by your partner withdrawing his support. Please think about getting some help through the helpline or a local centre. I think you would find post abortion support really helpful, and you need someone to stand with you when you are feeling so broken by your experience. You can ring 0300 4000 999, write to Online counsellor, or find a local centre on the web site.