39, married with an 8 year old child and unexpectedly pregnant

By anonymous on 19/06/2010
I am a 39 yr old married woman with an 8 yr old child.
I always thought if I got pregnant again, I would be very happy and embrace it with open arms. Only a few weeks ago, close friends of mine had asked would I be happy to have another and I said yes straight away, even commenting on a friend who had recently had a baby, saying I remember feeling how jealous I was!

I was immediately horrified

However a couple of weeks ago I found out I was pregnant, and was immediately horrified! I am happily married but with the credit crunch, we have just been keeping our heads above water. The first thought I had, was there would be no way we could afford it. What would we have to sacrifice to bring another baby into the world? We would have to go without, somewhere along the line, luxuries? food?, our house? We knew childcare costs would be in excess of £600 a month for a new baby, and we had no-one we could ask to help out.
My son would have to go without his little luxuries like cubs, and football. On top of all that, did I want to be in my 50's when the child was coming up for 10. Friends of ours who had children in their 40's looked permanently knackered, and stressed out. I spoke to my husband about it and we sat down and tried to work out if we could afford it, but there was no way round it. The tax credits we would get would hardly make a dent, and even going back to work threw up the childcare cost problems again, even giving up work would mean the mortgage would not be paid.

We both decided it was best to have a termination

We had one child, and we are very happy in our little unit. The next day I saw my GP who gave me the numbers I needed. She was extremely supportive and put me to ease. (I was feeling incredibly stupid for getting accidently pregnant...at my age!!)I called the clinic and was given a cancellation for the next day. My husband came with me and I requested he came in at the counselling session, as we were completely at ease with our decision.

We decided on a medical abortion

The nurse was very helpful and very practical, and all the tests and questions were straightforward and I found out I was nearly 6 weeks gone. I was given the option of the medical or surgical procedure which I did have a problem with. I didn't want to "give birth" to it but the surgical could not be done until I was 7 weeks, but I didn't want to wait that long, after making the decision I wanted it doing there and now.
The nurse talked me through what to expect, and told me I would experience some pain and discomfort and I would not have to look at what I was passing, so after some debate I am booked in for tomorrow for the medical procedure.
I have read on here about some of the different experiences that some have had, and although I am not looking forward to any of it, I am completely sure I am making the right decision and will only feel relief when it is all over. If circimstances had been different I would have had the baby with the support of my hu sband, however things are not so, and although I do feel guilty for what I am doing, I know it's not fair to struggle especially on someone who hasn't asked to be born.

Editor's Comment

Unplanned pregnancy puts women and couples in a difficult place of decision making. You have highlighted some of the issues surrounding this unexpected crisis and financial pressures are difficult to come to terms with. It is also important to look at your feelings and instincts and work out how you feel about each of the options. For some adoption may be a more acceptable option, while for others carrying on with the pregnancy feels more comfortable than choosing abortion. In the end this is a decision you have to live with for the rest of your life, so you have to be at peace with what you choose. There is always a trained advisor on the end of a phoneline 0300 4000 999, or you can find a centre in your area to go and talk it through find a centre for crisis pregnancy support in your area. 6 weeks pregnant,

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