I must make a decision about whether to keep the child or not

I am 41, and pregnant.
Not married but have been living together with my partner for 5 years.
My family (parents and brothers)live abroad and even though I like where I live and the activities I have, I have a sense of loneliness.
Last year I had an abortion because our economic situation wasn't good.The decision though was hard. During this year I was on and off about having a child. Our economic situation hasn't changed but I am pregnant again.
And so doubts have come back about keeping the child. I don't want to go through a surgical precedure,like I did last year. So I must take a decision in these two days whether to keep the child or not in order to use medication for the abortion. But I hesitate tremendously!!!...why haven't I got those strong maternal feelings women normally have?

Editor's Comment

At 41 I think there are a lot of fears about embarking on this life changing experience, and making sacrifices, including material ones, in order to have a baby. Often those fears about change can block the emotions that you may have for the child you are carrying.
It seems that something perhaps even subconscious has caused you to become pregnant again. Maybe that is your answer. If you had really not wanted a child I am sure you would have taken very safe measures to insure you were covered contraceptively.
No one can tell you it will not involve cost to continue the pregnancy, it may also be immensely rewarding, but you have to weigh this up with how you may feel if you choose another abortion. If you would like to talk to an advisor please call the national helpline 0300 4000 999, or find a centre for crisis pregnancy support in your area.

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