All I can think about is the child growing inside me

I live in Ireland.
Even though I used condoms,I'm four weeks pregnant and decided on abortion immediately.I found out on wednesday and if I could have gone and done it then I would have.
Since then I've found out I have to be at least 6 wks gone first.
The father is my friend's brother and we've only been casually seeing each other.
The friend in question does not know I've been seeing her brother as she would disapprove and would in no way support a termination.
My best friend lives in London and my parents live in Australia,They're being hugely supportive but I don't have anyone that can come and give me a hug.

I don't think I've ever felt so alone

I,m nearly 26 and have always maintained that I don't want children,but now all I can think about is the child growing inside me and I just can't stop crying.
The father was brought up to be against abortion but I think he's secretly relieved that that's what I've decided to do.He's due to go travelling in Australia in october and I had planned to move to London in a few months.
My parents said if I choose to have the child I can go and live with them in Oz and they will help me(im originally from australia)but they think a termination is the best option for me.
So now I'm faced with this impossible decision.I have no desire to be a single mum,I'm not in love with the father and cannot see us working out in the long run.I know I cannot have this child but heart is in pieces.

Editor's Comment

It is probably the hardest decision you will ever have to make. Your parents sound very supportive but it is hard when you don't have a strong relationship for support. It sounds like there is a battle going on between what your head is telling you will be the best and easiest decision in the longterm, and what your heart is telling you about the child you are carrying. It is important to listen to your heart as well as your head. Your heart will tell you what your instincts, values and conscience feel. Your head will look at the circumstances, which may change from week to week. If you would like someone to talk this through with please contact the national helpline 0300 4000 999, or you can book in with Online Advisor and get counselling help through a secure online site.

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