I am booked for a surgical termination but I don't know if I can go through with it

I discovered 3 weeks ago that I am pregnant again.
I already have 2 children aged 5 and 2, and will be 42 in October, so an unplanned pregnancy was the last thing I wanted.
My partner of 12 years has said he will support me whatever, but I do feel as though the decision rests solely on my shoulders - which I suppose it does really. Anyway, we talked about it a fair bit, and whilst I don't really want another baby, I don't really want to have a termination either. It just seems like an awful thing to do.
I am booked in for a surgical termination next Thursday, but I really don't know if I can go through with it - I know I SHOULD, for all the reasons we discussed - financial, my age, the effect on the other kids, my job etc ... but I don't know if they are really good enough reasons.

Editor's Comment

It sounds as though the circumstances you are looking at are telling you one thing but your heart is giving you a different message.
When I say heart I mean the place where your instincts, values and beliefs come from, and I suppose the part that makes you the person you are. What you need to ask yourself is 'does terminating this pregnancy contradict who I am ?'If you betray your core values and instincts it is hard to live with the decision and you may feel regret. You may always look at yourself and wonder why you made that choice. If having examined your heart responses you feel comfortable and at peace with your decision, then even if it's hard you will still be able to face yourself and feel ok. If you would like some help in talking this through please call the national helpline 0300 4000 999 or you can have a dialogue with an Online Advisor accessed through the website.

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