An unplanned pregnancy when we were getting married

By anonymous on 17/07/2010
I just found out 4 days ago that I am approximately 4weeks pregnant.
I have a consultation appointment at the end of the week to discuss an abortion.
I feel completely lost and don't know what to do. My fiance also feels the same, this would be his first child but I already have 2 from previous relationships. I had my daughter when I was 16 and my son when I was 20, I am now 33.

I feel like my life is just starting to get on track

Recently finding long term employment & my partner newly qualified as a teacher. Also we have our wedding booked in 9 months!!
I would feel embarrassed to tell people we are pregnant, I feel that they would judge me for never doing anything right. I would be due to give birth when we are meant to be getting married, I feel so ashamed and selfish.
Our friends' baby has just been born 2 days ago and I can't stop looking at photos of them together and longing for it to be us. I feel so jealous and cry each time.
We have a 3 bedroom house and my children are too old to share a room with a baby & there is no room in our bedroom.

I would want to keep our baby

If I knew my family would be happy for us I would want to keep our baby and change the date of our wedding, but I know I will have let them down again and they will be disappointed in me again. 3rd child by different father, still not married. What a mess, I don't know what to do.

Editor's Comment

However carefully we plan our lives, unexpected things will always happen, and no contraception is 100% effective so the first thing I would say is that you have to stop blaming yourself for what has happened.
You and your fiance are the only ones that really matter in this decision. You have to do what you really want to do in your heart of hearts, and from what you have written, it sounds as though you would love to keep this baby and move your wedding date.
You are concerned about how your family will react to the news, and how it will appear to other people, but they should not influence your decision. It is you who will have to live with this decision for the rest of your lives, so it must be what you both want and feel right about. In the end everyone will be happy with your decision if they can see that you are happy. Yes, it may be a shock at first, and disappointing that plans may have to change, but in the end this is your lives and your happiness. If you would like to talk this through with a trained advisor please call the national helpline 0300 4000 999, or write to Online advisor to help you think through your decision.

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