A crisis pregnancy at 38
By anonymous on 26/09/2010
I am 38 years old, have a 10 month old & 3 year old already and have just found out I am 6 weeks pregnant.My husband has made it very clear that he does not want any more children & that we would be compromising our family if I went ahead with the pregnancy - it would mean financial difficulty & me having to work full time.
I can see it from my husband's point of view, but I also find it very difficult to think about termination. We were both so happy when I was pregnant with my 1st two boys and I still remember all the stages of development which is why I find it hard to understand why my husband seems so cold about what's happening inside me.
Is it fair to have a third baby
He has only found negatives, and keeps reminding me that our 2 boys won't have the future we had planned for them because of money & my time - he knows that it hurts me to think I would have to go to work full time to support 3 children and not be able to spend the time I currently have with them. I am still on maternity leave and due back part time next month so have given both of my children everything in their first years of life - something I wouldn't be able to give a 3rd baby. Is it fair to have a 3rd baby and not give them everything that it's 2 older brothers have had?and is it fair to deny my 2 boys the comfortable life we currently have? I don't want to compromise anything that we have or could have, but I also cannot bring myself to accept that a termination is the best option for us as a family.
Editor's Comment
It sounds as though you are feeling very pressurised by your situation and the strong reaction your husband has had to your third pregnancy.It has come very quickly after your second son and is obviously quite a shock to you both.
It is really important that you take time to think through this very important decision. There will be positives and negatives as you think through your options.
You mention financial difficulties being a factor. Work out your financial situation carefully because this is not always as difficult as you think in the early years, if you have all the baby equipment already.
You also mention your time and it's true that life would be busier for you with 3 children and a working mum. The children would benefit from the relationship they have with each other, and quality time is sometimes as important as quantity. The important thing is your quality of life as a family, and while that includes practical issues, the love and happiness you have together are key factors.
Think about how you will feel if you choose abortion and whether it will cause sadness and regret that will affect you as a mum to your existing children.
If you would like to talk this through with a pregnancy advisor please ring the national helpline 0300 4000 999, or look on the website to see if there is a pregnancy centre in your area.
