I want a termination but my husband doesn't.

I am now 5 weeks pregnant

I have just turned 29. I'm in a stable, loving and very happy marriage. My husband is currently working abroad. For that reason I chose to come off the Pill. I went to visit him. It was only the day after I'd finished my period, and somehow I am now 5 weeks pregnant.

This wasn't in the plan

My husband is over the moon. I, on the other hand cannot stop crying. This isn't what I want. I'm pretty sure I want children, in fact we'd planned to have them a year from now - just after I turned 30. I'm a planner. I'm strategic. Things happen to me but I always have a plan. This wasn't in the plan. We've had to deal with a lot of change recently and I was looking forward to a period of no change. Quietness really.

I've considered a termination, but he says he would be crushed

As my husband is abroad I have to call on family members for support I've told my Mom and dad who are equally as happy and my husband, and also my sister who has a beautiful 2 year old who is currently the font of all knowledge with regards recent pregnancies. I've told my husband I'm not ready. But I have don't have any reasons other than pathetic ones like, I wanted to go on a crazy drink fuelled holiday next year to Vegas. I've just joined a netball team. I wanted to turn 30 first. I told you they were pathetic reasons. None of my friends have children. Whilst at the right time I know they are a blessing, but all I can see at the moment are the limitations a child would have on my lifestyle. So very selfish of me I know. I have a good job, but this is not part of my reluctance. My husband means the world to me, and I to him. Our relationship is the most important thing is my life. I've considered a termination, but he said he'd be crushed. Whatever decision we make we have to agree 100%.
As we are currently in 2 different camps this means that one of us is going to have to do a U-turn with our emotions. My greatest fear is that in the future, I could resent him because I continue to go through with the pregnancy. He would love this child, and you don't just disregard what your loved one wants. Or, we don't continue with the pregnancy, but in years to come he resents me for the termination. Either way our relationshop could be destroyed - and I cannot have that. He is my everything.

I am terrified and thinking all sorts of crazy things.

I am terrified and thinking all sorts of crazy things.And I can't follow my heart because it's not telling me anything - other than to confirm what I've thought for years...that I'm not ready. My husband said that I'd feel the same a year on from now, I'm just panicking. My Mom described the little baby growing inside of me - I felt phyically ill. The Dr tried to prescribe me folic acid, I left without the presription. Surely these aren't the natural feelings of someone who has just found out they're going to be a Mother? Help me please. All I want is a sedative that will knock me out and tell me all this is a huge mistake.

Editor's Comments

An unplanned pregnancy can leave you feeling scared and out of control. I understand you wishing you could make the whole situation go away, and you must be struggling with your husband being out of the country. Whilst it's horrible to be in the middle of these feelings, they are also very normal. As you have rightly identified, either option now will have long term implications for your relationship, and for you. If you choose to end the pregnancy will it spoil a relationship that is all important to you, and would you be able to enjoy the freedom you think this will bring you? I think in our modern world we do try to plan and control everything, but fertility has a habit of catching people out. Sometimes very planned and wanted pregnancies end in miscarriage and this can be equally distressing. It would be really helpful if you and your husband could receive some support through this decision-making process from one of the pregnancy centres. Please follow the link to find a centre for crisis pregnancy support in your area. Or phone the national Careconfidential helpline 0300 4000 999.

This story was sent in on 13/12/2010

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