He's not ready for a baby

By anonymous on 22/02/2011
I need help!I am 23 and last wednesday I found out I was pregnant.
My first instinct was excitement and being scared!
I told my partner of three years that evening and was shocked at his reaction.

He started crying and said he wasn't ready for a baby and that he didn't want it!

then half an hour later he was smiling saying he was going to be a dad and then changed his mind again saying he didn't want the baby. I expressed how I felt and that I was scared but I didn't want an abortion. Over the weekend I have been getting mixed vibes one minute he wants an abortion and the next he is saying for me to eat healthy and buying me healthy foods etc.I went to the doctors today were he confirmed my due date of October 19th and I contacted my partner to let him know when again I was greeted with an 'I don't want this baby I'm sorry I love you but I'm not ready to be a dad.'
What gets me is 2 years ago in January I had a miscarriage at 11 weeks and we both wanted the baby and we were both devastated. He had said that he didn't want to try for another baby but we both did not use contraception for the past two years and he clearly knew that I was desperate to have a baby after what we had lost!
We are not in the financial state to have a baby although we both work full time we do not have our own home and had plans to travel etc and that is his reasons for not wanting this baby, financial reasons and wanting to do more before we have a baby!

Unprotected intercourse for 2 years

If he felt so strongly about not having a baby I don't understand why he has had intercourse with me unprotected for two years.
When I was 19 I had an abortion as I had found out a week after my mother had died and wasn't in the right state of mind!
Then I fell pregnant two years ago and had a miscarriage and now I am coming up to 5 weeks pregnant and can't bear the thought of having an abortion especially after i had my miscarriage!
I am unsure of what to do because i know I would resent him for the rest of my life if I have to have this abortion but he also could end up resenting me if I keep this baby? I dont know what I'm doing I just feel scared and confused!!

Editor's Comment

I think it would definitely help you to talk this through with someone impartial. It sounds as though your boyfriend is panicking and in shock, and finding it hard to take responsibility for what has happened. It sounds as though a second abortion would be very destructive for you after losing a baby 2 years ago. You are in a longterm committed relationship, and going through an abortion is likely to put a strain on your relationship if you feel pressurised into it. I wonder if your boyfriend would be prepared to go with you to see a pregnancy advisor. perhaps if you were able to talk it through together it would be easier to understand each others point of view. Please think about choosing one of these options for help.You can call the national helpline 0300 4000 999, log on to Online advisor, or follow the link to find a centre for crisis pregnancy support in your area.

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