I found out last week I am 5 weeks pregnant

I found out last week I am around 5 weeks pregnant.
I took the morning after pill but it didn't work due to me getting a sickness bug. I have a 10 and a half month baby boy and didn't plan to have children so close together. I feel sad because he is still such a baby and I feel I am going to miss out on quality time with him alone.

Me and my partner dont get on at all, it's very up and down but more down.

I have had depression which he doesn't understand at all and I feel he is constantly upsetting me and putting me down. This relationship makes me feel helpless, alone, and trapped.
I adore my little boy and he is perfect but I can't imagine how I would cope with 2 so close together.

I had an abortion in the past when I was 17

I wanted to keep the baby but my partner at the time didn't and we didn't tell anyone else so I felt that was the only option.
I cried every day for years afterwards and hated myself for it. I still get flash backs about it and feel such guilt about it and think about the baby that I could have had all the time. I am sure it was a girl and it breaks my heart.
Because of this I know what another abortion would do to me, but I feel so trapped like I have no options left. I don't want to be a single mother of 2. I don't want to carry on our relationship and I don't want an abortion. I just want to fall into a big hole and be gone from all of this.

Editor's Comment

It must have been a shock to find out you were pregnant again and difficult when you and your partner are not getting on very well. If you continue with this pregnancy you do have 9 months during which time your little boy will have grown up a bit more and passed the baby stage. Although he won't have your undivided attention he would have the benefit of growing up with a brother or sister.
It sounded as though the abortion you had at 17 was a difficult experience for you, and I do think that going through that again could make you feel worse. I can understand your feelings of being trapped because what ever your decision is you feel it's not what you wanted. I was wondering how your partner had responded to the news? perhaps he will be more caring and understanding? It is certainly likely that this pregnancy will be a deciding factor in your relationship. If you would like some help and support, someone to talk your situation over with and look at the options with you please contact us.You can call the national helpline 0300 4000 999, log on to Online advisor, or follow the link to find a centre for crisis pregnancy support in your area.