The shock of an unplanned pregnancy

By anonymous on 31/07/2011
I have just read your story about a 39 year old who has just found out she is pregnant, and I seem to have an identical story.
I have 2 beautiful daughters aged 5 and nearly 3. Although my husband and I didn't get sterilised we had decided that 2 kids was our lot - we were lucky but let's leave well enough alone - both of us were happy with this decision....having just got through a week of potty training and just getting into a new found place of 'no more nappies' we are in total shock to find we are a few weeks initial reaction was floods of tears and Oh No!
Hourly I am swinging between termination and home life is great a fantastic husband who I truly love...but after a few years of job losses we are just 1 year back into 'financially being back on our feet'....we have a tiny house which is just ok for the 4 of us, another baby from the outset looks like it will really stretch us, mostly financially but possibly emotionally too (what if is born and has special needs and difficulties)...all the practical issues really come into play in not having this baby but my heart is completely torn.
I am pro choice and have to date absolutely no problem with abortion although always I thought 'I hope I never ever have to be in a position to make that call'.....any advice most gratefully accepted

Editor's Comment

It is hard to readjust your thinking about your perfect family, and I can understand the shock of an unexpected pregnancy.
What you need to think through is that your lives won't be the same as they were whatever decision you make. You can't turn the clock back on this event and termination or continuing the pregnancy will dramatically change how you were. I think a lot of people are pro choice in principle, but that doesn't always mean it is the right decision for you to abort.
Circumstances do change all the time so to make your decision just based on your present circumstances may be a mistake. How will you feel in a year or two years, will you always wonder what could have been, is your heart telling you that abortion feels uncomfortable for you? If you would like to talk this decision through with an advisor it may help you to unravel some of these questions with someone impartial. Perhaps seeing someone with your husband would help you both to be open and honest about your feelings.
You can call the national helpline 0300 4000 999, log on to Online advisor, or follow the link to find a centre for unplanned pregnancy support in your area.

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