Pregnancy soon after an abortion
I fell into a deep depression, struggled to look after my two other children.
I began drinking to excess, I met him one night when I was drunk.
He helped me to see the light and pulled me out of depression, but he wasn't right for me, and after a few months I ended the relationship.
In August 2010, I realised I hadn't had a period in about six weeks. I did a pregnancy test and was heartbroken when I saw it was positive.
I knew that I was at least four months pregnant and after my previous abortion at an early stage, that was traumatic enough, I didn't know what to do. So I called my midwifery team on September 1st 2010. The midwife gave me an appointment that day about thirty minutes after the phone call. I lay down and she felt my tummy, and said I was at least 16 weeks. She put the doppler on my tummy and I heard his heartbeat. She arranged me a scan for later that same day. I was terrified.
As I lay on the bed being scanned, I could see the baby was big.The sonogorapher began taking measurements and saying them quietly to her assistant....then I heard her say "35" and my heart stopped, I felt faint, I struggled to breathe because I thought she meant I was 35 weeks pregnant and that my abortion hadn't worked. Then she smiled and announced I was 20 weeks and 4 days pregnant.
In a way, that relieved me but then I grieved all over again because I had received a tiny glimmer of hope that my baby was still there from February!
I lay in shock and she asked if I wished to know the sex of the baby, I said yes, knowing this would help me deal with this, and they told me I was having a little boy.
It was a terrifying experience, I was alone and pregnant with only five months until the baby was due.I considered everything you can think of, I didn't want him, I would give him away etc. It was a difficult pregnancy, especially with two small children at home as well.
I also didn't know who the father was. There was only two possibilities but I had been told my due date wouldn't be accurate because he was so big on the scan, I knew it was either two weeks before the date given or about ten days after the date given.
When my due date passed with no signs, I knew who his father was but didn't tell him.
I was induced at eleven days overdue....actually one day past what I thought was my due date and my beautiful son was born weighing over 9lb. I knew as soon as I saw his face I had made the right decision to keep him.
It hasn't been easy, I will not lie to you. It's been horrible at times, it's been a struggle, it's been depressing, it's been isolating, it's been lonely and its been very testing.
He's worth it.I was hospitalised with post natal depression but was treated quickly. He is nearly a year old now and I know how much I'd have regreted an abortion. He is beautiful and seeing him reminds me of what I gave up when I did have an abortion just a few months before he was conceived.
His father knows about him now and supports me....at least tries to.
Crisis pregnancy is hard, it's the most difficult thing ever but so very worth it. I read somewhere about so many women who have an abortion going on to have a baby within the twelve months following. I understand why. I did it. And I am so glad that I did.