40 years old and pregnant

I'm 40 with an 18yr old and a 15yr old, with my now ex husband.
I've been in my now relationship for 13yrs. Last year I had a termination when I was 8wks, it was a very stressful time as there was a lot going on in my life with my father having cancer. I went to my G.P who gave me a referral letter for bpas. The emotions I went through after I had the termination were awful, I didn't stop thinking about what we had done. Those feelings will always be with me because it's something that's happened in my life.
I've just found out that I'm now pregnant again at 5wks.

My partner and I are so confused and have mixed emotions on whether to keep the baby or terminate.

We both know what it's like having children and getting on in life when they grow older. What have we gone and done again, we are happy, but we are both in two minds what to do especially at our ages, 40/44. Deep down I don't think I can go through another termination. A very very confused older lady who has definitely struggled in my life. Is there any one else out there in a same or similiar situation.

Editor's Comment

It's difficult to find out that you are pregnant when you feel you have a grown up family.
I think that because you struggled with the previous abortion, choosing another abortion would be very distressing emotionally and psychologically. You need to think carefully about how you would cope with longterm regret and grief. Continuing the pregnancy is going to be more tiring at 40, and no one can pretend that raising a child in your 40's is not hard work, but it would also be very rewarding and if you feel at peace with yourself that counts for a lot. You do have the advantage of wisdom and experience which will help if you choose to have the baby.

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