I just found out that I'm pregnant with my second baby

I just found out that I'm pregnant with my second baby and I'm only 19 but I lost my first baby.
I went through so much pain and I did an abortion. It cost me about 600 I was given a pill and I felt my stomach getting hard and I was in so much pain I vomited all night and was in labour the whole night.
My mum felt my stomach and she couldn't stop crying. She took me to a private doctor and he confirmed I was 6 months, I knew of course but my mum didn't. She cried so he sent me to the hospital. My mum helped me all the way and I got there.
I changed my clothes and the nurses were so kind and the doctors. My mum helped me too but I kept on vomiting and the pain was there and my mum told me to breath in and out but I couldn't.

then I wanted to go to the toilet but nothing happened and I just felt like pushing I couldn't stop and I told my mum something coming out and down the hall going to my bed I just pushed and it fell. 'Oh my gosh my mum cried aloud' and my baby was on the floor. I just fell against the wall and I looked at my baby boy and he moved. The nurses took him and told me to sleep and calm down but I couldn't stop crying something inside me said 'don't make it' for the sake of my mum and he didn't.

I regret it because I still want him back but now I'm pregnant again and I don't want to do it again but my boyfriend insists. If I don't he will beat me up until it comes out and he has tried doing that but I cried so much he stopped.
Now I'm confused because he doesn't know how it feels to lose a baby and he wasn't there for me the first time he ran. I want to keep my baby but what about my mum. I love my babies too much.

Editor's Comment

That sounds a very traumatic experience to lose your baby at 6 months. The important thing now is to do what is right for you and not allow your mum or boyfriend to pressurise you into a decision you don't want. If your boyfriend is physically or emotionally abusing you then you should try to tell someone and get out of that relationship. Sometimes it is very hard to see what is happening when you are in a relationship, but you should not accept a situation where you are being beaten up. If you need help and support in this situation please contact the national helpline 0300 4000 999, or log onto a confidential Online advisor service on the website.

This story was sent in on 31/03/2013

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