I'm roughly 5 weeks pregnant and would be due Christmas week

Hi all, I've never posted on anything like this before, so bear with me.
This is my story/predicament!
I'm 27, just turned so last month. I had a bit of a shock a week ago when I realised my period was late! I'm never late! Not in 16 yrs have I been late! This, of course got the alarm bells going but being in denial, blamed the fact that I've been worked up/stressed out recently and that my body was just protesting and trying to get me to chill out a bit.
This however was not to be the case. I eventually plucked up the courage to purchase a pregnancy test and then after reading everything I could on the box and in the instruction leaflet (procrastination!!!), I thought I'd just bite the bullet.
Once the dirty deed had been completed, I waited patiently for that minute to be up...... I came to notice, at a quick glance, a single pink line!! Well, relief never felt do good....

and then I looked again, only to notice another line had appeared

This was slightly faded(quite common according to the instruction leaflet!).

This is where I've got to basically. You see, my situation isn't exactly ideal... I'm single, have an ex who dislikes me greatly (understatement!), just starting a new job, owe some money here and there, it's just not that great. It is my ex's baby but to be completely honest, I'd rather raise the child on my own, so it's not that that's bothering me. He'd only tell me to get rid anyway, or come out with some sort of verbal diarrhoea!
Things that are worrying me are awfully selfish things, like the things I'm not going to be able to do etc. the whole labour/ giving birth situation scares the proverbial out of me too, absolutely petrified, have been for as long as I can remember.
I don't know where I stand with terminations really, I don't want in 10 yrs time to think "what if", I think that would be quite difficult to deal with.
What guy is going to look at me now? Am I throwing my life away? I'm pretty lost and confused about the whole thing really and would like to hear from others, your point of view etc, maybe you've been in a similar situation? I'm roughly around 5 wks pregnant, so would be due Christmas week.

Editor's Comment

Thanks for sharing your situation. First I have to tell you that this site just posts stories so I'm afraid there isn't the facility for others to dialogue with you.
You have a big decision in front of you and I can understand your anxiety and confusion. I think it would help to talk to a pregnancy choices advisor so that you can get all the information you need for each of the options, and explore how you really feel about termination and parenting. There are advisors available on the national helpline 033 4000 999, Online through a secure login site, or there may be a pregnancy support centre near where you live.
It's also worth looking at some of the other stories posted to see what other people have experienced. for unplanned pregnancy support.
This story was sent in on 23/04/2013

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