I found out on December 3, 2013 that I was pregnant. Today I'm 11 weeks and a day.
I am very skinny, even being how far along I am, they still say I am too skinny when I go to the doctors for ultrasounds. I literally don't know what to do. My parents say they will stick by me no matter what but I can't seem to find the right decision. Have it and raise it or abort it?
It's a very hard decision.I have a complete support system but I feel as though the pregnancy was planned so that I would "belong" to him for the rest of my life and not be able to be free. I haven't told many that I am pregnant because abortion is still running through my mind. Honestly I know it's a struggle either way, it's a very hard decision to make alone too let me tell you.
I can't talk to the baby's father about it because well he would be/is the reason for the consideration of the abortion. He has been abusive since I found out and told him I was pregnant; head butting me, pushing me down, slapping me, hitting me, grabbing me, biting me. I have no doubt that he would be a good dad but I want to wait and have a kid with someone I love and have a true family instead of split.
I pray to God every night that he will just give me a miscarriage, although that may be wrong, so that I won't have to make any decisions that will affect my life. If I decide to have an abortion I will tell everyone it was a miscarriage for I do not want to be judged and I know The Lord will forgive me. But I somehow manage to wish I could kill his baby and not my own if that makes any sense. I look forward to having someone that looks like me other than my mother. Look forward to strolls in the park, going shopping and having a child because I've always dreamed of having one but here I am thinking of killing it because of a jerk being the daddy. I want to be able to move on, be free of him but still keep my child without him having anything to do with it.
Editor's CommentA difficult decision and one that is tearing you in two different directions. It is hard to know how your life will work out in the future, and if you don't want your baby's father involved in your life then you could arrange strict access arrangements if you decided to keep the baby. I can understand your fears at the moment, particularly if the father has been abusive. On the other hand your lives may both move on, and you might lose touch with each other.
You need to work out the right decision for you as a person and one that you can live with for the rest of your life. If you would like help thinking this through please contact CareConfidential. The confidential Online counselling service maybe an option for you.for unplanned pregnancy support.
This story was sent in on 27/01/2014