I'm 37, almost 38, and we had a birth control failure.

I'm 37, almost 38, and we had a birth control failure. We have 7 children (22,18,16,13,9,8,& 6). I'm torn between keeping this child or letting go. My last baby was a very difficult pregnancy and birth and I was put on bed rest. Then two years later I had a horrible 12 week miscarriage. I'm much older now and I feel my plate is over running.
I realize this might be my last chance. I'm barely 5 weeks along. My husband is supportive either way. He does love babies but understands the spacing between the older and younger would be hard.
We have been talking a lot and go back and forth. He is worried about my health if I go through the pregnancy. There would be no way we could handle a disabled child at this point in our lives - so if any of the prenatal test came back positive we would abort but it would be much further along.
We just have been able to start taking vacations as a family again. I just went back to work a year ago and work with infants all the time. I love my job. I keep thinking if I had a miscarriage at least my decision was made for me. .. I feel that I'm being selfish either way. Selfish to my kids and their limited time they get with me now if I keep it, and selfish to myself if I abort. I also feel guilty either way.

Editor's Comment

You sound very torn and uncertain about your decision and in such a position I am not sure you are ready to choose your option yet. I think it would help you to talk your decision through with a practitioner who is trained in crisis pregnancy support. They would be able to help you think through how you really feel about each of the options, and hopefully come to the place of feeling a bit more settled about the option you choose. For help and support, for unplanned pregnancy support., or call the pregnancy helpline 0300 4000 999.
This story was sent in on 22/12/2014 and it's been viewed 187 times.

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