I am 16 weeks pregnant on Friday! And my body has never felt so complete.

By anonymous on 19/02/2008
I am 16 weeks pregnant on Friday! And my body has never felt so complete. I have been with my partner for a year and we love each other truly. The pregnancy was not planned; I was on the pill. However, when I told him I was pregnant he cried and said we had to get rid of it, as he wasn’t ready for a baby, and we have our whole lives ahead of us to have children.

I really don’t feel the same way as him, but I’m worried that whatever decision I make, I am going to lose either my baby or my partner. I don’t understand why he is acting like this and I can’t get him to talk to anyone about it, other than me, where he just says he's not ready etc etc. I’m really confused; I love him so much and I really can’t make this choice! I know I don’t want an abortion, but I can’t face the heartbreak of losing him either. What can I do??

Editor’s note: Thanks for sharing your situation with us…Not only are you feeling the pressure of having to choose between your baby and your partner, but it sounds as if you are also being left to make that decision by yourself. This is a heavy burden for you. At 16 weeks and almost halfway through your pregnancy, I wonder if you are holding on until there is no choice.

There are many reasons why your partner may not want to pursue the pregnancy; he may feel he’s not ready for the responsibility, or parenting, or lack of freedom, or the practicalities involved. Whatever it is, it’s worth asking him this question kindly: ‘What are you trying to achieve that’s positive for yourself by not having the baby?’ That might help to illuminate what he’s really feeling underneath, and enable him to express any fears. Making him wrong for the way he feels won’t achieve anything.

For you, it’s important for you to talk this through with someone who understands your dilemma, so that you can explore your head and heart responses to your situation, the options open to you and be empowered to make the decision you can live with. It would be better if both of you can be seen together, but I realise that may not be possible. Visit your nearest centre, ring the helpline or use Online Advisor for support and advice.

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