I’m 26 years old and 6 weeks pregnant with my second child...

By anonymous on 21/08/2008
I’m 26 years old and 6 weeks pregnant with my second child. My first child is 3 and still sees his father regularly. In June this year, I went on holiday with my parents and met a lovely man. He is 32 years old. Over the past two months he has come to visit me in England, and on the first occasion I ended up having to take the morning after pill. It failed. Today we have been for an emergency scan after I suffered some bleeding. The doctor advised us that it was a threatened miscarriage, but as long as I took it easy, I should be ok.

Afterwards, my new man proposed to me with a beautiful ring and I kind of smiled and thanked him. He is absolutely elated at the thought of being a dad and is proving very attentive and caring and he can’t wait to tell my parents. But I feel so confused. How is it possible to start a new family if he lives there and I live here? I have a new successful career but money is tight, and I can’t really take his proposal seriously after knowing each other for such a small length of time. It is not possible for me to up and move to France at this time, and it is not possible for me to live there. I can’t just snatch my son away from his father.

Whilst I was having the scan, they advised that if my cervix was open, there was a chance the bleeding was due to miscarriage. All the time, he is praying that everything is ok and shedding a tear when the doctor said all is fine, and I am lying there and feeling completely impartial. I feel nothing. The only pro-pregnancy thoughts I am having, are that this baby would be a welcome sibling to my child and I would love to be part of a happy and loving family again. But the cons are enormous. I don’t think my parents, or my employer would be very happy and I just know that this is the wrong time. They say I have three weeks to decide if I want a medical termination, and this just doesn’t seem long enough. In my heart of hearts I know this is the wrong time for this baby to exist in my life, but then I think about what I could be denying myself, my son, and this man who clearly loves and wants us. What will he do? Visit us every month for the next few years? Am I being selfish, I am expecting more than I should when his intentions appear true? I simply do not know.

Editor’s note: Thanks for sharing your story…It sounds as if your circumstances are dominating your thoughts right now. You have questions: How would you juggle your son’s relationship with his father? What about work? Is it a serious proposal? Money’s an issue. What about a sibling for my son? Where would I live? These are all questions swirling around your mind.

It may help you to see the pregnancy and the relationship with the father as two distinct, although connected, issues. What do you want for the relationship (as if the pregnancy hadn’t occurred) and what do you want for your second child despite the circumstances? It will help you to talk this through with someone at your nearest centre, on the helpline or Online Advisor. There is a way through this confusion of circumstances. Allow yourself to hear your heart as well.

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