I am 34 and 6 weeks pregnant. My partner and I have been together for 18 months and he was the one that suggested we try for a baby.

By anonymous on 31/10/2008
I am 34 and 6 weeks pregnant. My partner and I have been together for 18 months and he was the one that suggested we try for a baby. He is only 22. I was shocked at how quickly it happened, so when I told him I thought he would pleased (how wrong was I). He didn't talk about it again for another two days, I couldn't work out why. I am so upset. Now I have found out why. He is from Iraq and I am English and he now tells me he will at some point MAYBE have to go back home and get married to someone from his own country because that what his family wants, although he says he doesn't. Why on earth did he suggest a baby? I am absolutely in bits.

I always made it clear to him right from the start of our relationship that I never wanted to be a single mother. It is important to me that when I have a baby it is within a family. He says it’s my decision what to do but he thinks its best to have an abortion. He says he will be with me as long as he can, whatever I decide. I feel terrible because we planned this baby and now I might possibly have to have an abortion and it’s not the baby’s fault at all. I'm not sure I can do this on my own. I worry about money, living arrangements and the responsibility. I can't talk to my family about this because they don't like him.

Editor’s note: Thanks for writing in…All your circumstances are telling you to discontinue the pregnancy, aren’t they? The fact that your partner will leave you at some point, that you don’t want to be a single parent, that you have little money, that you are concerned about the responsibility and your living arrangements, that you have no family support and also because he is making you choose what to do by yourself, you are at risk of going with what your circumstances dictate and not really considering what is going on in your heart at a deeper level before making your decision. It would help you to find some support outside of your immediate situation – contact your nearest centre to talk this through with someone who can help you think this through with good questions, accurate information, plenty of time and a safe space. We’ll be thinking of you.

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