I'm 21 years old and nearing the end of my first year at university...
By anonymous on 24/04/2009I'm 21 years old and nearing the end of my first year at university; I have recently found out that I am about five weeks pregnant and it's unplanned. I told my boyfriend and he says he doesn't want it and it will "ruin" his life. The thing is that I don't think I have the right to end the life of another. I myself do not want a baby right now, but should I not be dealing with the consequences of my actions? I know I would be a good parent, but I think he will leave me if I keep the baby. I have been to see my university and they do provide a lot of support to people in my situation and I’d be able to continue my degree. But is it fair to bring up a child in that environment? I am honestly lost, my heart tells me one thing and my head another. I think he will leave me if I have it. However I my family have offered me their full support. I would absolutely love and appreciate any kind of advice you could give me.
Editor’s note: Thanks for sharing with us…It seems like you have assessed the difficulties quite well and know that practically you can still carry on as before with your degree. Hard work, but you can do it, especially with the support of family.
The real issue for you is whether you will go along with a decision that your boyfriend says will ‘ruin’ his life and risk him leaving you, or whether you will ‘take the life’ of your unborn baby and do something you already feel you don't have the right to do. It's sad that fathers divide the loyalties of mothers in this way and create the kind of pressure that means she has to make a sacrifice of either her pregnancy or her relationship - or more usually, both.
There is really no pain-free way forward, as there are gains and losses with each option, but forward is the only direction you can go in. Remember that abortion cannot make the clock turn back and take you to where you were before. It brings as many challenges as having the baby, just different ones, usually deeper emotional ones. What would bring you peace in your heart? Let peace tell you what direction to go in. It’s really important that you talk to someone about your situation – ring the helpline or visit your nearest centre – so that you can make the decision you can live with, one you’ll be at peace with deep down. We’ll be thinking of you.