With 3 beautiful children we love being parents but at 22 years old and 6 weeks pregnant I'm not sure how I feel about it

By anonymous on 20/04/2009

Hi, I'm 22 years old and I have three beautiful children. My youngest is only three months old. A lot of people judge us already because we're so young but our kids are very happy and very well looked after.

We love being parents. I have a very supportive partner but we recently just found out I am six weeks pregnant again. It came as such a huge shock and our circumstances go against having another baby.

I was at the doctor’s today to arrange a termination but I'm really not sure how I feel about it. I feel like part of me wants to keep the baby but at the same time it means we'd be parents of four kids at 23. None of my friends have children so they don’t really understand.

Has anyone else been in this situation or got any advice?

I'd really appreciate it, thanks :)

Editor’s note:

Thanks for writing in…

What’s noticeable about your story is that you are so at peace with yourself about having three children at your age. You love your children and you both enjoy being parents. There is absolutely no shame in that, whatever anyone thinks.

Now you are in a situation where your circumstances are making it difficult for you to pursue the pregnancy, but I wonder if it’s not the pregnancy that’s unwanted, but the combination of circumstances?

And all that is backed up in your mind by what other people think – the shame element that you seem to have been able to cope with until now.

Yes, there are difficult circumstances at the moment and it does make logical sense to end the pregnancy, but your heart has its own logic which you need to explore too. What did you think about abortion before you found yourself in this situation?

Have you done anything to nurture this new pregnancy – stopped taking paracetomol, or drinking alcohol, or have you started taking folic acid or eaten more healthily? These are all instinctive nurturing responses.

What do you believe about motherhood? What do you believe about when life begins? All this is heart stuff. It’s all from a deeper place that can get ignored under the pressure of circumstances - and ultimately it’s the place where post-abortion pain comes from if that part of you is not properly consulted in the decision-making process.

I want to encourage you to visit your nearest centre – both of you – so that you can find out all you need to know about your options and have time to explore not only your circumstances, but also your deeper beliefs, conscience and instincts.

Only then can you make an informed decision, and answer one of the deeper questions about an unplanned pregnancy: ’What outcome would enable us to be at peace with ourselves?’ Peace is a good guide.

We’ll be thinking of you.

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