I have just sat reading through the abortion and keeping my baby sections for over 3 hours...By anonymous on 27/04/2009
I have just sat reading through the abortion and keeping my baby sections for over 3 hours…I found out two weeks ago that I was expecting my third child. I am married with two children aged nine and four. My marriage is not going well and I am facing separation. My husband wants a termination and I agreed before I had actually confirmed I was pregnant. My original instinct before knowing that I was definitely pregnant was to have a termination because we are not financially secure at the moment and also floating between places to live. However reality is always very different.
I feel pregnant. I am extremely tired, have aching sore breasts and I am extremely hormonal. I cried all day today :( That was because I was about to make a rash decision and go to my doctor in the morning to request a termination. Logistics tell me I shouldn’t have this baby but my HEART tells me I should. I know my children would be ecstatic at the prospect of a sibling but with sooooo many concerns what should I do???? To be honest I am still not 100% but I feel that I would rather give myself a little more time to try and be close to 100% on my decision.
I have support in regards to family and friends to talk to but there is only so often I can hear "IT IS YOUR DECISION". I know it is my decision but I really wish it wasn't :( I am just over six weeks pregnant and obviously don’t want to terminate late on in pregnancy, therefore I have felt the decision had to be made overnight, but it doesn’t!!!! I don’t know what will happen in the end, if I will have my baby or not, but I do know that I will allow myself a little more time to consider this life changing decision and hope to God that I will make the right choice for my two children and me. X
Editor’s note: Thanks for writing in…It sounds as if there is a battle going on in your mind, made so much more difficult by the circumstances under which you now find yourself. It sounds as if having another baby would not be a problem if your marriage was secure and you weren’t facing separation. In fact, it sounds as if it would positively welcome.
What you need to remember is that there is not only an external reality – your circumstances – but also an internal one. The thoughts of your heart – your instinct towards your unborn baby, your beliefs about motherhood and pregnancy, and your conscience - are all important in this decision. Emotional pain occurs when we break deeply-held values and boundaries. Circumstances always change; life is fluid, but it's difficult to change one's heart when it's in pain.
Making the decision for yourself is tough, I admit. The temptation is to get the answer from others, but in the end it has to be the decision that you can live with deep down. Relying on others to decide for you can result in blame. You must weigh up the realities of abortion for yourself and consider the heart impact, not just the impact on your circumstances or on others. In the end, this decision is about what would bring you real, lasting, inner, heart peace with yourself.
It would be good for you to talk to someone – ring the helpline or visit your nearest centre as soon as you can. We’ll be thinking of you.