If I choose an abortion I could never look at him in the same way again

I’m 28 and I live on my own. Last year I split with my boyfriend of four years and began seeing someone else quite soon after.

I have been with my new boyfriend for ten months and I love him to bits, but a while back he said he didn’t want to get too serious which put a bit of a cloud over things. But after a few weeks we were loved up again and things were good.

Now I’ve found out I’m five weeks pregnant!!

I was feeling happy at the start because I was unsure if I could ever have children, but then I began to feel scared and confused about what would happen.

I told my boyfriend last night and to my complete surprise he mentioned an abortion.

I knew he wouldn’t be happy because he thinks he's too young and isn’t ready to be a father but he usually has a strong opinion on these sort of things. He's also crazy about his nephew, so I couldn’t believe he suggested this.

So now I have a decision to make because I feel like I’m faced with a no win situation... either way I lose him.

If I choose to keep the baby, he won’t want the responsibility or hassle so I’ll be left to do it all on my own and keep the house all on my own... If I choose to have an abortion then I lose my baby and lose him as well because I don’t think I could ever look at him the same again.

I think I would end up blaming him and myself. I feel that if someone wanted me to get rid of a baby we made together, then he really doesn’t love me as I love him, so therefore I don’t see us having a future together.

Editor's comment

Thanks for sharing your story… It sounds as if you already have a view that says, ‘I don’t respect you for wanting me to do something I don’t want to do’. I sense an aversion to the idea of abortion in you that may mean you won’t respect yourself very much either if you go ahead with that decision. You may not 'win' in terms of keeping your boyfriend, but you'll certainly win in terms of preserving your own self-respect. It’s important to acknowledge your deeper feelings about the options open to you, not just in terms of circumstances, but in terms of your inner well-being – your conscience, instinct and beliefs. From what you say, it sounds as if an abortion would be something that crosses your value lines. What would enable you to have the greatest measure of peace with yourself? That’s an important question to ask. It also sounds as if your boyfriend has already made decisions about the level of commitment he is prepared to give to the relationship. It would help you both to visit your nearest centre and talk together with an advisor about what’s available to you, and what the real issues are between you. Nothing can take you back to where you were before – you need to move forward with courage and make the decision that you are most comfortable with in your heart. We'll be thinking of you.

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