I wrote back in February; a 26 year old scared to tell mom

By anonymous on 12/05/2009

I wrote back in February; a 26 year old scared to tell mom. So I told my brother and my mom's brother. Both are very supportive of this. I am currently 25 weeks pregnant!

Baby is fine but I am still not showing all that much. So I guess bottom line is: I still have not told my mother yet. I know, I know I need to and she will find out regardless. I don't know why I can't bring myself to say something.

My fiancé and I are going to get a place at the end of June. Both my brother and uncle understand why I haven't said anything yet. I thought by telling them and getting the support it would be easier to say something.

I know it is bad to say but if I could wait until he was born I would. It is just so nice to do this and not have my mom to bring me down in disapproval.

However I see all these "proud grandmas" and it makes me sad that I cannot have her supporting me. She would be angry at my fiancé whom she hates, and I don't know if I can handle the disappointment right now.

Is there any light at the end of this tunnel? I feel so pathetic but I can't help but feel this way!!!

Editor's comment

Thanks for writing to us again… There seems to be an awful lot of fear in your family with regard to this one family member! I recall we talked about leaving one’s parents in order to cleave to your man. Your commitments are unclear and you need to settle who you want to belong to. That doesn’t mean that you leave your mother and never see her again, but it does mean that you build an independent life with your partner and build a family unit that determines its own future, perhaps it’s time to break the power that this fear has over you. Leaving home physically will help. It’s important that you know freedom as your mother will always be invisibly in the house with you if you don’t resolve this – and that’s not good for your relationship. It would help you to get some independent counselling on this issue so that you can build a healthy family home for your partner and your baby.

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