I'm 23 and nearly eleven weeks pregnant.By anonymous on 21/05/2009
I'm 23 and nearly eleven weeks pregnant. I found out about five weeks ago but thought I was a lot earlier on in the pregnancy than I actually am, so the doctor has said I have a matter of days to make my decision. I have had five weeks to think about it and it hasn't made the decision any easier. However I wish I had more time.
I have been with my boyfriend for just over a year and we had plans of getting married and having children in the future. However, he says he will leave me if I do not have an abortion. I really don't want an abortion but don't know if I am strong enough to bring it up on my own, and also live without him. On one hand I love him so much I am almost willing to have an abortion but then sometimes I get so angry at him for making me choose between him and my unborn child. I don't know how I am ever going to make the decision as I change my mind about ten times a day. I am scared that I will regret my decision, whichever one I make.
Editor’s note: Thanks for sharing your story with us…It’s very clear that you are ambivalent about an abortion. You don’t want one, as you say, but feel the pressure from your boyfriend and the difficulty of your circumstances not to pursue the pregnancy. I think your relationship is already wounded and suffering in that you are deeply hurt by your boyfriend’s refusal to support this pregnancy. Sadly, an ultimatum of this kind is unloving and doesn’t show responsibility for fatherhood. What does that mean for the future of your relationship whether you choose abortion or parenthood? He may have good reasons, such as not wanting to be hijacked by a surprise event, or have to provide a home and finance now, or perhaps he feels he can’t cope with parenthood right now.
You must have courage now. Listen to your head, but also your heart. None of your options are pain-free; you can only go forward. Abortion will not turn the clock back; it can only create more problems when ambivalence is present. I would advise you to talk it through with someone on the helpline, or at your nearest centre. We’ll be thinking of you.