I am a 40 year old mother of four children. The youngest is five.

By anonymous on 08/06/2009
I am a 40 year old mother of four children. The youngest is five. This was indeed a surprise. I am about four weeks pregnant, and my husband only started talking and looking at me when I decided that it would be smarter to have an abortion. I love my children, and always loved being pregnant. I am having a very hard time with this. I have been trying everything to change my husband’s mind. He even has gone on the computer to check out the abortion pill. We don’t have money, and I know we can make room in our home. It would be very difficult, especially with him facing people at work - his image! I can’t live with him hating me forever if I go through with this pregnancy, but I'm afraid I won’t be able to handle it emotionally - or even hate my husband - if I don’t. I have an ultra sound this Saturday. After that, I'll have to move quickly with a final decision. I'm still holding out for a miracle.

Editor’s note: Thanks for writing in…You are clearly ambivalent about having an abortion and as such you may experience difficult emotions afterwards. Even your head – your logic - is saying that you can make room for this baby; your heart is in no doubt about what it wants you to do. The difficulty is what your husband wants – or thinks he wants. Understandably, many women rely on the support of their partner, but are often forced to make the sacrifice and choose between husband and baby.

It would help both of you to seek support from your nearest centre as soon as possible if you can. Perhaps your husband does not understand the deeper emotional impact of an abortion and it may help him to have that explained to him. How true is it that he would ‘hate you forever’ if you had the baby? It’s sad that he was giving you the silent treatment until you started talking about abortion. He may have legitimate reasons for not wanting the pregnancy to continue, such as having no money, but he also may be underestimating the cost to your relationship. Find the support you need so that you can make the decision you can live with. We’ll be thinking of you.

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