I wish I could say it's got easier since my abortion but it hasn’t and I'll never forgive myself
I’m four weeks pregnant. It was unexpected as I was on the pill. The father of my baby is also my neighbour we had agreed to have a casual relationship so I wasn’t surprised when he made it clear that he wanted me to have an abortion.
I already have an eight year old son who I bring up by myself so another baby was never part of the plan and the thought it terrifies me, especially having to do it alone again.
However, I was forced to have an abortion when I was 15 exactly 10 years ago today. I wish I could say it has got easier but it hasn’t. I will never forgive myself and although I know that having a baby in these circumstances isn’t the best way to go, I cannot go through with an abortion. I’ve been there before and it killed me.
Also I think because I am a mother, I’m feeling maternal about this baby and protective. I know the love I’m going to feel for it; I know in my heart I have to do this with or without the father no matter how hard it’s going to be because mothers put their children first. When you’re a mum, there’s no room for selfishness.
Although I know that’s what I have to do, it’s still so hard because the father is my neighbour. I care for him a lot and I know how much this is hurting him. He's threatened to pack up, move house, have nothing to do with the baby and never see me again if I don’t have an abortion.
He really believes this is going to ruin his life. He blames me for all of this. I don’t know what I can do or say to help him see that you have to make the best of a bad situation because life never turns out the way you thought it would.