How could I force this on him? It doesn't seem fair that I hold his fate in my hands and he is looking to me to do the "right" thing.

By anonymous on 30/08/2009
I am 26 years old and I was with my boyfriend for four years until we split a few months ago. Last weekend I found out I was pregnant with his baby - despite being very careful! I feel I shouldn't have the child as it won't have the stable two parent upbringing I had always hoped for and which I had myself. I didn't plan to even start thinking about children until I was much older and I enjoy my life as an independent person. My ex says he loves me still and I love him - we split because he didn't treat me very well and was quite selfish and immature - but he doesn't want the child and has said he would find it hard to deal with if I was to keep it. This makes me feel very guilty for even thinking that I won't be able to go through with it. How could I force this on him? It doesn't seem fair that I hold his fate in my hands and he is looking to me to do the "right" thing.

I guess that in my head I know it will be for the best if I have an abortion and move on with my life. But in my heart I am already feeling quite protective of the little life inside me and the thought of signing that bit of paper for a termination makes me feel physically sick. All my thoughts and feelings seem at odds with one another and I am aware that I need to decide what I am going to do and quick. My family/friends are very supportive and have said they will help me whatever I decide to do. I am scared that I’ll pressure myself into having an abortion and regret it for the rest of my life. As much as I enjoyed my old life, the thought of returning to it fills me with a sense of worry and dread that all I will feel is a huge sense of emptiness and sadness.

Editor’s note: Thanks for sharing your situation with us…You seem to be pulled in so many directions, feeling your heart attachment to your baby, wanting to do the best for your ex, and experiencing a fairly strong aversion to the idea of termination. It sounds as if you need to look in more detail at the options open to you (parenting, adoption, abortion), to explore your feelings more thoroughly and to make a decision based on what you want rather than on fear, panic and pressure. Please get in touch with the helpline or your nearest centre for some support as soon as you can.

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