A contraceptive failure at 42

I am 42 yrs old. After my first child I had a coil continuously for 10 years, but started to feel bloated and stomach aches so changed to injections end of last year.
It was decided that injections weren't agreeing with me so I had info on arm contraception. We weren't doing hardly anything (once every 3 months or less continuously arguing about money etc.and other personal matters) before this situation- I was going to sort out arm implant etc. been using condoms.
Got myself a job I love feeling a bit more independent etc. wanting to do training etc.I was thinking I was slowly getting my life back together when I found out I was pregnant on March 25th. I knew it would be end Feb because that was my last period.

Decision to end the pregnancy

In deep shock knew couldn't face another 13years of hardship just getting by and arguing, timing not right after all this time,just know I wouldn't cope with this situation. My partner agreed and said he would stand by me but on appointment day March 29th with senior doctor explained awkward to do it at local hospital because we both work there.
Couldn't afford £500 for private etc.hospital I was hoping to get it done refused point blank because too busy, would upset their schedules.
Another hospital 70 miles away said they could fit me in, consultation April 21st, have no choice ,nowhere else.

Just want it over with

After going to first doctor who said had plenty of time as I came early enough to senior doctor who put another 2weeks onto pregnancy saying it was standard to do, that means I was 6 weeks on March 29. March 30th letter sent to accept appointment that was 2 weeks ago, haven't heard anything feel as if I've been pushed aside because of my decision. No number to ring, leaflets or anything, no support, just wanted it over with.
Feel stressed out all the time,only when I typed on computer did I find this website. Am worried now because it will mean I'd be 9-10 weeks gone before they think about doing anything,and embryo will be forming, feel up and down, off my food, tired all the time, and feel low (I know the hormones playing part and to top it up my partner suddenly got it into his head it was someone else's in an outburst,apologised afterwards.Obviously no one else knows around me, don't want to be thought of as a murderer, people can be strange where I live, rumours go round fast).

If I was to keep this pregnancy you'd have check-ups

Feel I've been left out cold, awkward because consultation appointment first thing a.m will have 1 & half hour journey to get there, so my partner will not be able to come, doing shift and will have to make sure our child gets to school. Then was told by senior doctor(2weeks ago)will most probably get me to go back the next week(ironically will be sorting my child's b/party out that weekend & his birthday that week)wish there was a cancellation, want this to go away, feels like its dragging out too long. Why is it if I was to keep this pregnancy you'd have checkups on your health, but because you decide not to none is made,and its not classed as a hazard in work by occupational health, but is if you keep the pregnancy.
Wish I had a bit more support around me!
sorry this is me getting things of my chest I know there is other women out there with the same predicament. Hope I don't stir up bad feelings. A worried 42 year old.

Editor's Comment

I'm sorry you have felt so unsupported. It sounds as though you have a lot of things weighing on your mind and a difficult relationship to handle. If you would like some support and to talk through your situation please contact the national helpline 0300 4000 999, where you can talk to an advisor and be put in touch with a local centre for more support.
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I'm 5 weeks and trying to decide whether to keep the baby or have an abortion…

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