Recently I've fallen pregnant and I've been frozen in shock.By anonymous on 30/05/2014
Hi I'm 19 years old and have been living with my boyfriend for a year.... We have not had the most stable relationship which has caused a lot of tension between me, my family and my boyfriend.
Recently I've fallen pregnant and I've been frozen in shock and what I should do... My boyfriend wants to keep the baby despite our rocky relationship. I leaned out to my sister who is four years older than me. At first she seemed really supportive and sincere then today she went on ranting about how it was so selfish of me to do this to my family and how I'm going to ruin everyone's life.
She says I'm not financially ready or mature enough to have a baby (I would be 20 by the time it's here).
My parents are very successful and my boyfriend a good job I innocently mentioned to her that girls have had it much harder than me and at least I would have help if I needed it while I was in school. I meant my parents just helping me out by watching the baby because I initially thought after the shock and them being upset for a while, they would grow to love my baby and they love me, so they would want me to still get my education... All I really meant is that girls in much worse situations than I am, have had a baby so why am I so impossible?
Well my sister went on to tell me that I was pretty much screwed; that my parents hate my boyfriend sooo much and they would have a mental breakdown... Saying great, mom and dad will never get to retire they will be raising another baby. (As if I wouldn't raise it myself and provide) I explained to her I could do it, it would just be hard and I might need a little help at first but I was perfectly capable, she went on to tell me how selfish I was to have "not learned the first time" and how it was the right thing to give the baby up for adoption, that it is horrible for me to bring a baby into this world and raise it.
She has made me feel like I have ruined everyone's lives and the only right thing to do is just get rid of it to save everyone else heartache, misery and disappointment... When I think of an abortion I can see positives but for the most part it makes me feel guilty from the thought. Don't get me wrong, I know it's not ideal but I can't help to already feel in a way a connection... My sister has got me so convinced keeping this baby would be the biggest mistake of my life... That my boyfriend is bad news and the "worst person to have a baby with" (no he's not that bad). When my boyfriend heard this he told me that he does not agree with abortion, that he would take the baby if I didn't want it... I can't help but feel so alone I feel pathetic, useless, and a failure... I'm so ashamed I just need advice and someone to confide in.. I'm so confused that I don't know what's right anymore...
Editor's CommentIn the end the important thing is to make a decision that is right for you as you are the one that has to live with this decision long term. Your sister may be very well meaning, but she is not the one that has to live with this choice you are making.
If having an abortion goes against your personal values, and you feel uncomfortable thinking about it, then it may be very emotionally painful to choose this option. It is also encouraging that your boyfriend wants to support you and be a father to this baby, so you probably already feel you have that very important support.
Maybe the next very challenging step will be to talk to your mum and dad about the situation. However hard this will be, they should be allowed to speak for themselves and say how they feel about your pregnancy.
If you would like any more help or support please call the national helpline 0300 4000 999, or log onto Online advisor through the website.