A termination 24 years ago

I was 19 and my girlfriend was 16. She was on a youth training scheme and I was temping in a factory. We found out she was pregnant and knew we could not support a baby as we were both living with parents and terminating the pregnancy seemed the quickest and easiest decision I have ever made.
Little did I know that 24yrs later a call to a local radio station phone-in would suddenly make my beautiful daughter real, and the hurt and guilt and overwhelming love of my beautiful perfect little girl would consume me. I made the decision we would never talk about the termination and we never did to anyone or to each other.
I sometimes used to think how old she would be but without upset, and then I would put her back in the box in my mind and carry on carefree.
Then driving to work 24 years later there was a radio phone-in on abortion, and my first thought was 'no way am I getting involved'. Then the presenter said they would love to hear from any men who's partners had been through an abortion. I thought 'ok I can speak in memory of our girl'. As I began to speak I realised I had never talk to anyone of my story and now I was telling the world. When they referred to my baby she became real, she did exist and I became overwhelmed with sorry and love for my daughter, I remembered where the termination happened and bought a single pure white rose. I wrote her a message telling her how I loved her, how sorry I was and her Daddy would never forget her again, she is going to be part of my life and my family’s, I will visit at xmas and on other special occasions, or just because I want to spend some time with her. I LOVE YOU MY BABY, I AM SO SORRY I WILL NEVER HOLD YOU IN MY ARMS, SLEEP TIGHT AND DADDY WILL BE WITH YOU SOON, XXXXXXXXXX

Editor's Comment

It is amazing that you were able to bury those feelings for such a long time. The trigger of that radio programme must have been such a shock and surprise to you, but I think it is very good that you are now able to get in touch with your true feelings, and to realise how much that pregnancy really ment to you. If Careconfidential can help you as you work through your grief, please contact us. Their is a very good programme called The Journey that helps men and women to work through the emotions raised after an abortion. However long ago it was this is still relevant. You can call the national helpline 0300 4000 999, log on to Online advisor, or follow the link to find a centre for post abortion support in your area.
This story was sent in on 12/10/2011 and it's been viewed 1,170 times.

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