My wife does not want the baby

It seems almost silly writing this, I am 44 year old man with two lovely children and a wife. Everything in my life was going well until about 6 weeks ago, its strange how quickly life can change and how quicky challenges and the unknown comes along. I am not saying it was bliss. We had the same issues as almost everyone bringing up children trying to balance, life, work and kids and married life has its moments. I was made redundant about 16 mths ago, which put additional stress on resources. I believed we had weathered the storm and we kept the essential things in life going. I got part time work and took on the majority of child care for our 1 yr old baby boy, although this was pretty much 50/50 with flexible working. I noticed about 4 weeks ago, a change in my wife's behaviour, more distance, secretive, and unfortunately due to probing discovered the embarking of an affair with her boss. This was more of an emotional affair than physical, which I can only truly believe. I am not saying it would not of been, I just uncovered it, before it got out of hand. This led to a turbulent month of emotions, making up, falling out, making up. Which unfortunately we may not of been as prudent as normal.

Then a week ago we discovered the pregnancy

This has become very quickly the hardest thing to overcome, and puts the other issues into perspective very quickly. My wife does not want the baby and wants to focus on her career, feels we are already at full capacity and is still not sure about the strength of our relationship. I agree with some of these concerns. She has booked in for self referral and is going to take the abortion pill in the next few days. I have said I will support her decision, however I am not on the same path and would dearly love to keep the child. I am a third child and my wife was brought up singly. I am not saying that has anything to do with the decision making but makes it more difficult for me. I am not sure what the future will hold and if we can work through this and the other issues, but feel totally at a loss and powerless.

Editor's Comment

Thanks for having the courage to describe your unplanned pregnancy from a man's perspective. You have been through a difficult time finding out that your wife had become emotionally attached to her boss. This must feel like an enormous issue to try and deal with in the midst of the turmoil.
I am concerned that if you don't tell your wife how you are feeling about the abortion you may feel resentful and find that this drives a wedge between you. Voicing your feelings does not mean you are being unsupportive or pressurising. You can say that you would love to keep the child and realise that this would be a big sacrifice for your wife. If she chooses to continue with the abortion you will give her your complete support, but that it would not be your choice. It is only fair that she knows your feelings and that there is a transparency between you, if you are going to give your relationship the best chance.
If you would like to talk to someone please call the national helpline 0300 4000 999.44
This story was sent in on 12/03/2012

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