I found out my girlfriend is pregnant a week ago

By anonymous on 30/01/2013
I found out my girlfriend is pregnant a week ago, she is approximately 13 weeks gone.

I am 33 she is 32. We are very much in love, she owns the house we live in and we have well paid jobs. We have been together for a year and 3 months. Very happily planning our lives together, thoughts of moving abroad, setting up our own business and traveling (more of) the world. Very happy, that is, until she dropped the bombshell that she is pregnant.
The shock was clear on her face, she was horrified, ashen faced, her dread was visible. We sat down and chatted, I assured her everything would be okay, I was there for her and we would work through it together. I was very worried and obviously in shock myself as we are protected, she is on the pill and we are careful. Unfortunately she had missed a couple of days of her pill which, it seems, is all it took for her to become pregnant. More shocking to me was the first thing she said to me was she didn't want to keep the baby.

I had a couple of days to think about what I wanted. It didn't take much thinking as I knew as soon as she told me that I was happy to have a baby and was genuinely pleased that she was pregnant. We have had 4 or 5 days to talk things over and discuss our feelings. She is unmoved, she wants to terminate our unborn child. Coming to terms with this has been almost impossible for me. I am just lost. I feel so alone. Numb.

Although I am pro-choice and will certainly remain that way I cannot help feeling that her choice might be the wrong one and she will live to regret it. Not only the strain on our relationship but that I will have real problems coming to terms with it if she does go through with the termination, and whether we can get through this.

She believes her life will change for the worse if we keep the baby. I believe it will change for the better. It would be hard work, sacrifices would have to made. I am prepared do do this she is not. I look at my friends and family who have had unplanned pregnancies and would not change their life or decisions at all. They are happy and feel they have gained something in their life rather than losing part of it.

Editor's Comment

It is very sad that you both have such different views on the unplanned pregnancy. It must have been a shock for you both, but you are in a stable relationship so I can understand why you feel ready to keep this baby. I think an abortion is going to be hard to survive given that you don't want to go down that route. I wonder if your girlfriend would be prepared to talk to a pregnancy advisor about the decision? It often helps to talk it through with someone independent, so that you can both understand where you are coming from. It's possible that if she has some hidden fears she has not told you about you could talk it through. Please call the helpline if you would like to be linked to a pregnancy practitioner.

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