Unexpectedly, I found I was pregnant at the beginning of November!

I'm 39 with 2 kids...but always wanted more..I have PCOS(polycystic ovary syndrome) which has made it hard for me to conceive. I tried for 3 years to conceive with my previous partner, after us having our daughter, who's now 9, but apart from what I think was a chemical pregnancy, we had no luck. We split after 10 years, and I have been with my new partner for 2.5 years. He's always known how much I would love more children, and we had discussed trying in the New year. Unexpectedly, I found I was pregnant at the beginning of November! The line was very faint, but definitely there, so, tested again 2 days later, and it came up right away.

I had a week of being happy about everything, then the troubles started.

I started bleeding a little, so went to the doctor, who made an appointment at the EPAU for 5 days time....the longest 5 days of my life at that point!
Went for the scan and there was a sac on the screen, they didnt tell me how many weeks it looked, just that it was there and looked ok, but maybe my dates were wrong.
Booked another scan for a week later, to find a yolk sac in it this time too, which was looking better, still experiencing a little bleeding at times, but nothing that was making me panic. Next scan booked for 10 days time, which, depending on which date was right, would have made me 7+5 or 9+5 weeks.
I'd still got all the pregnancy symptoms I had from the beginning, which I thought was a good sign, hardly any bleeding, so, things were looking up....then I got to the scan. The sonographer turned the screen to her, and said she would do the measurements and checks then explain to me what she could see...

There was still no baby....

there was a sac, and a yolk sac, but no baby at all....I was absolutely stunned, after still feeling so poorly, and having 2 pregnancies that had gone without a hitch, I'd thought everything would be ok.
She was very nice....took me somewhere quiet to sit and wait for the nurse to come and ask me what I wanted to do next. I had the option of medical management, tablets or d&c or wait and let it happen naturally. I said I would let it happen naturally, was given a leaflet on what would happen, and made another appointment in 10 days to see how things were. A few days of waiting to lose the pregnancy and it was driving me mad waiting, I just wanted it over and done with, so rang the hospital and they were happy to admit me after the weekend for a d&c..but thankfully nature finally got its act together and I lost the pregnancy after a few hours pain and trips to the loo...didn't realise it would be like a mini labour.
My partner curled up in bed with me after and we cried for what wasn't really there to start with, but we'd lost all the same. I feel better for having it over and done with, a clean slate so to speak...altho I will never forget our first baby together. I've bought some chinese lanterns, and when we are at the beach next, were gonna let them go and say a final goodbye...to a little life we never knew, but lost. Sorry for going on, but feeling better for sharing.

Editor's Comment

Thank you for being prepared to share your painful experience of loss. I hope that you will be able to give yourselves time to come to terms with your loss. I think your idea of releasing chinese latterns is lovely and will remember your experience in a special way.

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