I lost my baby

By anonymous on 28/06/2013
I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, and I am 17 years old, although we always wanted children we knew we had to wait until we could manage it on our own. We had no intentions of getting pregnant so young.
May 5th we had an "oops" moment, but I was on birth control so I didn't think anything of it. A few weeks went by, and I started to have really light pink/brown blood, I didn't think anything of it until one Saturday I was at work and I had just realized I haven't liked any food, I've been feeling terrible and so on. So I decided to take a pregnancy test around 1, it was positive. I called my best friend,and freaking out I went to her house, so scared I didn't have any clue what to do, all I could do was calculate my dates, I was 7 weeks.
Even though I knew it would have been extremely difficult I began to love my baby, over the next few hours I didn't know what to do think or say. Around 11:30 that night, I began bleeding really heavy and having excruciating pains, I had been through this once before, I knew what was happening. I remember texting my best friend and saying "my worst fear is happening, I absolutely can't believe it." By 12:30 that night I could feel my body opening, and around 12:40 it happened.

I lost my baby.

I felt like the worst person on this earth. I had already gone through this not once, but twice? Why, why me? The next day I was devastated and knew I had to tell my boyfriend, I was scared but he was just as hurt by it as I was and he was very comforting. Over the next week I knew what had happened, I had gone to the doctor it was confirmed. I will never forget that early Sunday morning, I lost what I had loved the most. He/she wasn't just a fetus, he/she was a baby, MY baby. It has only been two weeks, I deal with the grief every single day, I miss feeling like I had a baby inside of me. Your whole world changes after a miscarriage, you question everything. What could I have done? This baby depended on ME and I let he/she down. I am so thankful for my bestfriend and boyfriend and their constant love and support. I know my baby is in heaven, forever. He/she will always be mine and I will always be his/her mommy. Forever in my heart.

Editor's Comment

That's a very sad account and I am so sorry for your loss. There is nothing that you did or did not do that caused the miscarriage. It is just something that happens. It is easy to get into blaming yourself, or feeling that in some way it is your fault but this is not true. You will take time to grieve for your loss and I am sure you will never forget, but hopefully in time the pain of the loss will lessen. If you need more help and support please contact Careconfidential. There are practitioners who are trained in supporting women like yourself after miscarriage.find a centre for miscarriage support in your area.

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