I vowed I would never complain through pregnancy or parenthood.

I vowed I would never complain through pregnancy or parenthood. This is why. **Number 1 - Blueberry** We had been trying for a baby for about 6 months when I found out I was pregnant. I remember taking numerous pregnancy tests & questioning whether they were positive or not. I took one of the digital tests a few days later to confirm and it came back as positive. I remember feeling over the moon and wanted to tell my parents straight away! We waited until we were back in Coventry before telling our parents. I wanted both sides to find out at the same time so we summoned them all to a family meal at Frankie & Bennies. I got out of the car with a beaming smile & my Dad figured something was going on straight away. I decided it would be fun to share the news with them in a different way, so I bought a ‘baby on board’ car accessory & hung it around my neck for all to see when I took my coat off. Needless to say, everyone was very excited & a bit teary! I had my 12 week scan booked at the beginning of March 2012. We were very excited but also anxious as I’d heard stories of it all going wrong. We waited for about 10 minutes before being called into the ultrasound room. I got on the bed, they put the coldest jelly I’ve ever felt on my belly & proceeded with having a look at my insides. I looked at the screen, and straight away saw the sac. I knew something was wrong as I’d seen pictures of this before. The ultrasound lady was so very quiet, and then explained about a minute later that she could see that the sac had formed, but that the embryo hadn’t developed. She brought another lady in who confirmed that was in fact correct. I felt numb. I was so excited about this, and it had suddenly been taken away from me. The staff called us into a separate room as I was very upset but they obviously still had to get on with appointments. I didn’t speak. I didn’t know what to say or what to do. They explained that I’d have to come back in a week to just check that they hadn’t made a mistake & then we would talk through my options. We left the hospital & went home. My husband took the rest of the day off and we just spent it together both being a teary mess. Of course we had told our close family that the scan was today but I couldn’t face the conversation, I was too upset. They were getting worried & I started getting so many texts asking if I was ok… We eventually phoned them and explained what had happened. I had another ultrasound booked for the next Friday, which was a bit of a faff as my husband had just been moved to Salisbury with work and it meant we had to travel back just for that. (Yes, we did move to a different county during all of this!) It confirmed what we had thought, so they discussed options of how we would expel the sac. I was booked in to have a D&C on the 23rd March (lucky me, just before my birthday), but luckily I miscarried naturally earlier that week while I was staying with my Mum & Dad. I ended up in hospital as I was passing a lot of blood and fainted while I was there – oopsie. I got home and had lots of cuddles but still felt very weak. I was relieved it was all over. I could start to move on now. I was obviously upset for quite a while afterwards. It didn’t help that I’d just moved to the area, didn’t have a job, which gave me time to procrastinate & think about things too much. I remember one day I was scowling at a young lady with a pushchair and feeling quite upset and angry that I’m not in that position. My husband was trying to keep me happy by buying me holidays & houses. I have to say that did help! :P **Number 2** So… we kept on trying and BOOM, I got pregnant again quite quickly afterwards. I found out 2 weeks before we were due to go on holiday (yes the lovely cruise my Husband bought to cheer me up) We didn’t tell parents as we wanted to have an early scan before sharing the news this time. I didn’t feel very positive about this pregnancy, I wasn’t feeling as sick as I was the first and I just had a gut instinct that something wasn’t quite right… We got half way through our holiday & I started to bleed lightly. I had previously read that this can be quite common during the first few weeks so didn’t stress too much. I also was in the frame of mind that if it was going to happen, then there’s not much I can do about it! About 10 days into our holiday I started to bleed more heavily & thought a check with the ship’s Doctor might be a good idea. I had the check and they referred me to hospital for an ultrasound as they didn’t have the equipment on ship. I got to the hospital in Messina Sicily (it wasn’t very nice at all… anyone that complains about Coventry hospital seriously needs a slap!) I felt like I was in the 80s, everything seemed so old and out of date. Anyway, I had the scan and they explained (through a translator off the ship) that I was having a miscarriage again. They explained that I would need surgery because of my previous miscarriage & suggested I had it before getting back on the ship. This now left us pondering what to do. I didn’t like this hospital at all. I didn’t like the fact I couldn’t speak a word of their language & I didn’t want to have surgery. I was also a bit dubious about this as we didn’t know sicily and somehow we would have to try to make it back to Venice to join up with the ship. The cruise company explained that someone from the ship would stay with us. In the end, we decided it would be best to go ahead with the op. I’d got through labour again any day rather than be in that hospital again. I was in a room on the maternity ward with another lady who had just been through the same thing by the looks of her huge paper knickers! Being on this ward meant you could hear all of the ladies giving birth. Not something you really want to hear when you’re in these circumstances. I got told I could leave at about 11 the next morning. I hadn’t seen my husband since the day before and was dying for a cuddle! (Men weren’t allowed onto the ward) We left the hospital and made our way to Venice. **Baby - Third time lucky??** Yes! We did it! We made a human being We had an early 7 week scan, a 10 week and then the usual NHS ones. I’m so lucky to have an amazing little girl. It took us a little while, but nothing in comparison to what other couples go through and I realise that it could have been a lot worse. This is the reason why I will never complain about parenthood.

Editor's Comment

Very difficult experiences and at the time there is always the fear that you may never have a successful pregnancy, so it is lovely to read your story with a happy ending. You will always remember the babies that you lost but your little girl has obviously been part of the healing process.find a centre for miscarriage support in your area.

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