I felt the most piercing grief
By anonymous on 04/12/2013I am 60 yrs old, and it's sunny and cold outside...a December morning. This happened when I was 15 following my first and only sexual encounter.
I became pregnant, had missed a couple of periods, and hadn't a clue about pregnancy care...**all I knew was I was going to keep my baby.** Hmm...that is the first time I have ever written those words...my baby. I had not told my family, didn't know how to ...and I was scared, but also kind of in denial.
I had told one friend, and she didn't seem to care, so, ultimately, I was on my own. It was a cold winter, like today is cold...I somehow became sick, a cold I guess, but with a high fever and a bad cough...I was in bed for a couple of days.
I remember that one morning, the sun shining in the window, and me, feeling a little better decided to get up. I sat up in bed, and had a sudden cramp...and out came this perfectly enclosed little gelatinous sac, red, but also translucent. I knew exactly what had happened...I took it in my hands, held it, and even at this early stage, I felt the most piercing grief....I held it for a bit, and then in the bathroom, I disposed of it. I never told anyone else. But sometimes, like on a morning such as this , so similar, I suddenly remember. I feel the grief all over again...after all these years, I feel the loss of my baby, just as new and painful as it was then...