I had a miscarriage in 2011 - it was Christmas and I didn't know I was pregnant

I had a miscarriage in 2011. It was Christmas and we had lots of snow in Bristol. I didn't know I was pregnant then.

We had to go to a party and I decided to wear high heels, so I slipped and fell.

I had a strange reaction to dairy which I later realised was preservatives.

When I got back to London in the January I decided to do a pregnancy test and it was positive. My husband had made french toast for me in time from when I arrived from Bristol.

I brought the test out to him and didn't say a word.

He was so happy that he posted it all over facebook.

A couple of weeks later we moved and I was so down I didn't end up going for a check up till 13 weeks.

We had a scan and it was very small. Too small. The Dr said she could not see any foetus at all.

We were ushered into a private waiting room and told that these things happen. We both could not believe this was happening. We never thought it would.

Our daughter was with us and wanted to know where the baby was. We were devastated. I wanted it to happen naturally but after a month they eventually said I would have to have a scrape. I had only ever had gromets before and was terrified.

I was left alone and didn't even have my mother there with me. It was quick and simple and not painful but I never grieved properly.

A few weeks after the procedure, a large flesh like object passed out of me that I thought looked like a foetus and I pretty much freaked out.

But that was once and it's all coming back to me now. I'm only grieving now.

I am convinced it would have been a girl. I would have named her Sofia. I think she would have had my husband's colouring, brown hair and brown eyes.... a total opposite of my daughter.

Today I cry for all those lost souls.

It's so sad.

This story was sent in on 22/01/2014

Editor's comment

It is very sad to lose a baby, and so unexpected I am sure you were in shock for a while.

It is also hard to grieve for someone you have never really seen, so it does help to try and picture them and name them.

If you need some more support during this difficult time please make contact: find a centre for miscarriage support in your area.

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