I spent all my savings on travelling to a country where I could get pregnant
After 3 months I was pregnant, but early in the pregnancy I lost it. Unfortunately I was and am in a country where lesbians have no access to fertility treatments, so after a few months I went back to travelling abroad for help.
I had 3 so called chemical pregnancies that terminated before week 9. Then I couldn't afford to get medical help any more and tried with a private donor and a syringe, but I didn't get pregnant again.
That was six years ago. I still cannot shake the sadness. Every year around this time I remember how it was to feel the hormones kick in and to look forward to becoming a mother. Now I am over forty. I will not have my own kids. I am so sad about it, but I feel like I cannot admit to anyone that I am still grieving. It feels wrong to still be stuck on this when I have a wonderful life and so many blessings, but I am.