I was 17 and about 2 months pregnant when I had my miscarriage

I was 17 and about 2 months pregnant when I had my miscarriage, I didn't know I was pregnant until it happened but I thought I might have been. When it happened I was on my own and the bleeding first started in the middle of the night, the day before my sister's birthday. I would never have told my family what happened because; I'm the baby of the family and have disappointed them enough, also I just wouldn't want them knowing, but because it was my sister's birthday I wasn't going to do that to her and ruin her day or steal her attention. Honestly I've been dealing with it on my own and have been doing really well, I'm getting a subtle tattoo next week so my baby will always be with me. Basically I'm writing this for some advice from the editor reply, the day before my miscarriage the dad's (dad... Woah, I don't know what else to call him but that sounds so strange) dog died. A day after his dog's death and the day before my sister's birthday, great timing right? So I didn't tell him because why should I have put that burden on him when he was so upset? I didn't want to make him feel worse or have more to think about. I didn't tell him and to be honest, I'm not sure if I would have anyway, I feel like he deserves to know but what good will it do? I don't need someone else knowing, but I know that's selfish even though I am thinking about him and how I don't want to upset him with something he can't fix.
On the other hand, its been 5 months, and I did a stupid April fools on him saying I was pregnant with my friends (yes it was stupid, immature and disrespectful, I know) and since then I've been thinking more about how he deserves to know and it's not up to me. So here's the question: Should I tell him and possibly upset him and ruin our relationship, or keep this as my little secret baby, protecting him but essentially lying to him and make myself feel guilty?

Editor's Comment

It sounds as though the April fool you played has brought everything out on the surface for you. You coped amazingly to handle the miscarriage by yourself, but it is very hard to carry a secret like this completely alone. On balance I think it would be healthier for you and your relationship to talk to your boyfriend about what happened. I think I would explain that you didn't say anything because of his dog dying, and then it became hard to tell him as time went on. I would also be honest about the April fool and explain that it was this that started you thinking about it all again.
Having the tattoo done sounds a good way of remembering your loss, but if you decided not to tell your boyfriend and he sees it, you might have to lie again about why you had it done. Hopefully your boyfriend will respect your reasons for keeping this from him at first, and it will draw you together rather than ruining your relationship.for miscarriage support.

This story was sent in on 02/04/2014

Previous/next story

My miscarriage was inevitable.

« Previous story
My scan only showed an empty pregnancy sac.

Next story »

Free help & support

If you're struggling through a situation similar to this Miscarriage Stories story, or have been affected by issues in the past, no matter how long ago, help is available.

Get free, sensitive & confidential help at your nearest centre

Tell your story

Telling your story to others can be difficult but rewarding and you may just help somebody going through the same thing:

Tell your story »

Story Categories

Click below for stories in other categories: