I had 5 miscarriages and wanted to be a mum.
I felt all of that because I had 5 miscarriages and wanted to be a mum. As many professional women I thought I should wait until the right time comes.. well I learned you can not plan life!
We started trying and I got pregnant very fast but miscarried at 6 weeks, then I told myself it's ok it's very common, let's try again in 3 months, we did and we again got pregnant right away, apparently everything was fine until I was 10 weeks and started spotting. When I got the ultrasound there was no heartbeat. We tried again in 3 months and this time we were pregnant with twins but miscarried at 14 weeks.
My point is that yes it's common to have miscarriages but it's very important that you recognized that it's a loss. By my third miscarriage I realized that I had not taken the time to internalize what had been happening, I was very sad for years, I used to feel happy for people when they got pregnant but so sad at the same time. Seeing my beautiful nephew started to become a torture, and I felt so guilty about my feelings. Having a miscarriage is emotionally very difficult not only for you but your partner. Recognizing how painful and difficult it is, is extremely important to be able to move on. It's a process that has to be done together with your partner, it's your loss but also his.
After everything that happened I said to my amazing husband we are adopting, I am not trying anymore. He was very disappointed because he really wanted to have our own baby, because of him I went back to a consultant obstetrician who tested me for MHTFR gene, apparently I have very common mutation associated with recurrent miscarriages due to a defect in an enzyme in charge of folic acid metabolism. The data regarding this gene and the association with recurrent miscarriages is very controversial, but I decided to start taking very high folic acid doses as well as Vitamin B12 and I got pregnant after doing that for 3 months, now I have a beautiful girl.