The pain that I am in, both emotionally and physically, is horrible.

I am 19 and currently in my second year at University. I had an unplanned pregnancy due to the failure of contraception. I was a week late for my period when I took my first pregnancy test. I was convinced that my period was about to start throughout that week as all of my symptoms felt like the beginning of my period. However, then I remembered that one night and straight away I took a test. Sure enough, less than a minute later, two strong lines had come up; I was pregnant.
At first I was so scared, I was not with the baby's Father, and I had no financial support due to being at University, but what I did have was the support of my family. It took me a week to realise what I was going to do and that was to continue with the pregnancy. My motto was that I couldn't deny the baby a chance of life because I had made a mistake. And I could feel my body changing constantly, there was no way that I was going to force the baby out.
I was 6 weeks and 6 days when I begun to bleed. We was looking after my niece as my sister is 40 weeks pregnant and was in the early stages of labour. I'd had a bit of cramping that morning but I thought it was normal. At midday I went to stand up and I felt gushing down below. I ran to the toilet straight away and both my underwear and pyjamas were covered in blood. I was so scared. Half an hour later I held the tiny foetus in my hands. You could tell straight away that it was the pregnancy that had come away. I went to A&E where HCG levels confirmed that I was/had been pregnant. They took blood tests to ensure that everything was ok, but all they could do was send me home to rest. I'm going to the Early Pregnancy Unit tomorrow morning for a scan to make sure that everything is passing naturally and that my hormones are dropping.
The pain that I am in, both emotionally and physically, is horrible. I would not wish this on anyone. Yes, my pregnancy was unplanned and an accident, but I already had a connection with my baby. That was my baby. I'm also scared at how I'm going to be when my nephew arrives. It's just all such wrong timing. Life can be so, so cruel.

Editor's Comment

A very sad story and you are clearly grieving your loss. I am so sorry you have been through this shock and distress. You may want some help and support for your loss and it is available if you want it. Call the national helpline 0300 4000 999.

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