I miscarried my baby 2 weeks ago at 7 weeks.

I miscarried my baby 2 weeks ago at 7 weeks. It would have been my second baby and a sibling for my little boy who is 2 and a half... They would have been born sometime in September. We were so excited and already started to make plans for our little family of four... I miscarried over about 5 days and I knew it was happening, that I wasn't just spotting, that even though I tried to tell myself everything would be ok, I knew my body was letting me down and losing my longed for baby.
I've told myself that my body was losing the baby for a reason, that it wouldn't have survived, that it was nature's way and most of the time that makes me feel better but every so often I get these huge pangs of sadness that take my breath away... For the baby I had started to know as my body changed yet would never be. For all the plans and dreams, for the little seed that started life and just didn't make it.... I feel so incredibly blessed for my little boy, so very lucky to have him and I cling on to the fact that I had a very easy, uncomplicated first pregnancy, that he has brought me so much joy as he grows and changes. I pray that I will add to our family. A friend of mine put her 3 month scan photos on Facebook yesterday and I felt such a rush of emotions... Mainly sadness for what could have been but also happiness for her and a sense of why couldn't that be me too. There are no answers I will probably never know why it happened but I feel at the moment it's a huge part of me, simmering under the surface, never really going away even though I try to remain positive I'm frightened by the uncertainty of the future and desperate for another baby... I just hope and pray that I will be blessed...

Editor's Comment

It is very sad to lose a wanted, planned pregnancy, and as you say even in the early stages you plan and dream of your family and the new member. It is important to allow yourself time and space to grieve your loss, so don't rush things or try to rationalise what has happened. even if all the things you are telling yourself are true it still doesn't help the feelings of sadness and loss. Do call the helpline if you would like to talk to someone, there is always a listening ear that can help, 0300 4000 999.
This story was sent in on 10/02/2015

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