The sonographer struggled to find any baby or heartbeat.

I thought I'd share my recent experience in hope that not only it brings some closure for me, but maybe your reading this now and find some kind of strange comfort that you are not the only person right now in the world going through this sad time.... My husband and I married last year and knew as soon as we became husband and wife we wanted to try for a baby. It took me 3 months to conceive. At the time we had a lot of pressure from family and friends about having a baby. When I took the test it was not only happiness but a sense of relief. I had my 8 week midwife appointment and all was well, I naively thought that surely if something wasn't right that this appointment would tell me that. I'd had a slight bout of light pink/ brown spotting at week 7 but the midwife assured me this was normal in the first trimester. Soon enough came my first scan, I would have been over 11 weeks. It was during the scan that the sonographer struggled to find any baby or heartbeat, all she could see was the sac. They asked me to go to the toilet so they could do an internal to see if they could see the baby. Nothing. I started to cry, I felt embarrassed and a cutting sense of guilt that I'd let my husband down and how he would cope with it. During the scan they couldn't confirm whether I had miscarried and asked to see me 10 days later for another scan in the hope I was perhaps wrong with my dates and I was actually 5 weeks. I knew it was all over. Four days after the scan, at what was suppose to be 12 weeks the bleeding began. It started very light the first two days. It then became heavy with clots ( I'd mainly only see this when I went to the toilet ). The miscarriage itself has felt for me like a very bad period. I am fully aware that I am lucky and for women out there it is much much worse. I'm nearing the end of the miscarriage or so I hope. I return to work tomorrow and Fridays appointment should confirm everything is over. I am sad this has happened but I am grateful that I am alive and well and that my situation could be much worse. Good luck for the future whatever it may bring x

Editor's Comment

Very sad to hear of your loss, and hard to come to terms with losing a baby at any stage. I hope you will give yourself time and space to come to terms with your loss.

This story was sent in on 24/02/2015

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