We experienced a miscarriage at 10 weeks.
Hey, I'm from the U.S. but have been searching online for the past few months- whenever I get time- to see if there is a story out there similar to mine. Luckily I found many on here! What relief I feel after many months of secret pain, worrying & feeling alienated. It was my first pregnancy, with a partner I knew the baby to be by. I am in my mid-twenties & in a good financial situation. So when I found out that I was pregnant, I was very happy. I only felt regret because I had gone off the pill without telling my partner. We hadn't been together for very long, & my plan was to possibly get pregnant & then raise the child alone- or include him if he wanted to be. I know that sounds terrible. It is what it is. I lied, & it's something I really wish I could change, because now we're engaged & have an extremely healthy relationship, apart from the one lie I told early on. I know that one day I'll tell him, & yes I'm on the pill now & telling the truth about it all the time. I think I lied because I had been wanting to get pregnant for a long time by that time. & yes, it was for the right reasons, for me. I thought it out & knew what I was getting into. To this day, I still desire a baby of my own & it's hard every day that goes by when I feel I am no closer to my life's most heartfelt goal. Anyhow, we experienced a miscarriage at 10 weeks, & it couldn't have gone any worse. I had gone to the hospital once to get my blood tested & was told to come back a a few weeks later for an ultrasound. We waited & were seen 3 HOURS after the appointment was scheduled to take place- you can imagine how nervous we looked at that point! The nurse began performing the ultrasound & began to tell us she was sorry for our loss... We were like, "Um, what?" She went on to apologize, saying she thought we knew, then even looked at me & said, "Surely, you must have known?" I was floored. NO! I didn't know. It was my first pregnancy, & all the spotting I had been experiencing was assured to me over & over by family friends & the hospital to be normal. Needless to say, we became upset & wanted to talk to the actual doctor. It took another hour for the Dr. to arrive. When she came, she said sorry about not calling us before, when she got the blood results back from my previous appointment. She said she had been busy those couple of weeks & kept meaning to call but didn't find the time. We were too hurt by the news to even care that we had been mistreated or needlessly led on. We were quick to leave the hospital, go home & watch Disney movies til we passed out from silent exhaustion. What made all of this very hard was we had told our families around 8 weeks because my dad saw my mail at my house having to do with OBGYN visits. After that, we couldn't keep them in the dark. I also had to tell my co-workers at work because I work in a lab & needed to cease handling chemicals for the time being. It was hard having everyone (it seemed) around me know about my pregnancy & then have to explain my outcome. I felt really alone & still do, especially now that the would-be delivery date is coming up. I feel like a bad person for the circumstances under which I got pregnant in the 1st place. This fact, and the fact that my partner didn't have to tell his co-workers probably makes our separate griefs different. He is very good about comforting me when he can, but nothing seems to help this horrible loss for me. I know what I did was a little wrong, but the loss still hurts.
It is heartbreaking to lose a pregnancy, and to have the news broken to you like this must have been a shock and very upsetting. Sometimes feeling guilty about the circumstances of the conception can merge with the feelings of loss, and I would say that although you were not completely honest with your partner, you should put that behind you and grieve for your loss.