They told me, "Well, you are having a miscarriage."
However, during my pregnancy I felt some sharp pains that woke me up in the night sometimes. I figured it was just the baby growing. I also did so much research on this and talked with my boyfriend about our future plans. One night he texted me and said he was going to tell his mother about me being pregnant. I had been too scared to tell my parents the whole time. But after knowing he was by my side through the whole thing and was going through what I was going through, (telling the parent(s) about it), I felt so much more courage, yet still scared.
My mother had asked me what was wrong that night when my dad left the room. I said, "A lot." She asked, "Are you pregnant?" And I immediately answered, "yes." She basically asked me about my boyfriend’s and my future plans and I explained them to her. I also filled her in with all the knowledge I had learned with the research I had done. I guess that since I had an idea of what I’m, she felt more comfortable about the pregnancy. But the next morning around 6:35 a.m., I woke up to go to the bathroom. I had noticed some blood in my urine. I figured it could be normal, but around 9:00a.m., my mother asked me to come downstairs to get her some crackers for her heartburn. She’s disabled and was in bed while my dad left to go into town for some work to be done. I told her about the blood from earlier. She asked me to get my Planned Parenthood papers. It said I needed to go to the hospital emergency room. She said she was sorry I had to do this alone. She was going to have to tell my dad that day.
I arrived there and was seen immediately. They did a pelvic exam, checked my cervix to make sure it was closed. If it was open I would have had a miscarriage. They told me it was closed, but I was still bleeding so they did some bloodwork for tests. Then they did a sonogram. Since I was only ten weeks and two days, they couldn’t see the baby at all. When I got back to the room, I started to feel so much sharp pain around my stomach and bladder. It hurt so bad that I started crying and wanted to scream. I called them and said, "I need a nurse." Seven minutes passed and no nurse came, so I called again and said, "I need a nurse noww!" They came in and gave me Tylenol and said, "If it’s worse in an hour, tell us and well try to give you something else." I told them I needed to go to the bathroom. I was in there for ten minutes. I was in pain and also felt like throwing up. I lay down on the floor for three minutes and then went to the bathroom again. I noticed I had some blood clots, so when I went back to the room I told the nurses I had the clots. They said I might be having a miscarriage.
After they had left, the pain just stopped. I knew Tylenol couldn’t just stop it out of nowhere, all of it being gone, so I lay there with my eyes closed, calm with no pain. Five minutes later the doctor came in. He did another check on my cervix. He asked if I had seen any tissue while going to the bathroom and I told him I had no idea, so he did a check and my cervix was open this time. His tool had some blue and grey tissue on it too. Then they told me, "Well, you are having a miscarriage." I just lay there, still relieved to be out of pain. I knew after I had gone to the bathroom, it got some of the blood out and I believe that’s what was causing me pain. So I sat in there afterwards with my original clothes back on. I still had to wait for my blood test results to make sure I had no infections of any sort.
As I sat in there I held back the tears. I didn’t want anybody saying, "Oh, I’m so sorry!" It would have made things worse. They also told me I would have to wait 48 hours for the bleeding to stop and for the baby to be completely gone. After I left the room, I finally got cellphone signal and received three texts at once. My boyfriend was asking how it was going. My mom asked how it was going and her next message broke my heart. It said, "Daddy says he is so happy he is going to be a grandpa! He’s ready to tell his friends and family." I sent one back saying, "Sorry to ruin his excitement. I had a miscarriage."
I drove myself home after leaving the hospital and the whole way home I just listened to depressing music and cried like crazy. I was so sad. I had never felt like that in my entire life. When I got home, I hugged my dad right away. He told me to go and lie in his bed and talk to my mom because she was in bed too. I ended up sleeping there that night too. I know I have my friends and family by my side and I will be ok in the future, but right now I’m living in the moment of all the sadness. I guess I’m just waiting for it to be over because I know I will be ok.
Editor’s note: Thank you for sharing your story with us…it was obviously a very sad event in your life and a great loss. The feelings can be so surprising, can’t they? However, you have shown great wisdom in believing that things will be ok, and that the best thing to do is let the emotional pain of it do what it wants to do to you until it passes through you and leaves you. Miscarriage is a natural event, one that, however sad, we are designed to heal from. I can see that you have that innate belief too. It’s good that you have the support of your family as you bear this loss and sadness. Remember that if you get stuck in your grief – if you find that you aren’t adjusting very well to this change in your life – then you may need some support. Optionline (800-395-HELP) can help you with that if you need it.